All in The Family: Hard Knocks ’09

Justin September 2, 2009 0

This week’s episode of HBO’s “Hard Knocks: Training Camp with the Cincinnati Bengals” had a family feel to it.  Perhaps it was the fact that the team was back in Cincinnati for the first time since the series began.  We met wives and girlfriends and pet dogs. It warmed the cockles of your heart. Then some motherfuckers  got cut.

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-This week’s episode started with some flashbacks. Some good (Chad Johnson circa:2003 saying he wants to be better than Jerry Rice) some bad (saying Marvin Lewis came to Cincinnati from Baltimore, without mentioning his one crappy season as defensive coordinator for the Redskins.)

-We start our family theme with the Browns: Mike, son of legendary coach Paul, and his daughter, team VP Katie Blackburn.  Let’s play celebrity look alike

Mike Brown loves going short sleeve shirt with a tie, which is an obvious fashion no-no unless you’re Andy Sipowicz.

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As for Katie Blackburn, she looks just like alternative comic Maria Bamford, who is friggin’ hilarious. http://bengals.enquirer.com/2003/04/26/katie_150x200.jpghttp://nycomedy.files.wordpress.com/2009/05/maria-bamford-3.jpg

These pictures don’t necessarily do it justice, but trust me. They look alike.

-Tank Johnson continues to seem like a decent guy who is well-liked by his coaches and teammates. He and Roy Williams go and meet Joe Torre, and treat him with the utmost respect. But earlier in the episode, we learned that he had never heard of Bill Walsh before. And even after he learned who Walsh was, he called him Donnie!

-JB! This week we met assistant equipment manager James “JB” Brown. He’s like a mascot and a cleaning lady in one!

-Most importantly during this family themed episode, they finally explored the one storyline I was hoping to see: Jordan Palmer. Carson’s younger brother signs autographs for disappointed fans, serves as a sounding board for his brother, and most impressively, introduced the world to Runpee.com (which, not surprisingly, is struggling to load in the wake of it;s HBO debut tonight.) He’s a renaissance man!

-Andre Smith update: He’s still fat. Now he has more money for donuts and fried twinkies. The broken foot is no surprise. Feet aren’t designed to absorb the impact of a half ton tub of lard running.

-ChilD Please:  Ocho had only a minor role this week, but like Alec Baldwin in every movie, he certainly made the best of it. It began with his aforementioned desire to be better than Jerry Rice. Then came the scene with Chad and his girlfriend Maya. First, Ocho discusses the difficult love lives of both Renee Zelwegger and Jennifer Aniston and advises them to focus on men who aren’t actors. (Good advice). Then we learn a few of Chad’s courting techniques, which include pretending to be in a wheelchair to get the seat next to an attractive lady on a plane, then swiping her phone in order to get her number without having to actually speak with her. (More good advice.) Finally, there was Ocho during the game against the Rams, greeting each cheerleader who ran by with “Call me.”  I love this guy. Then again, I loved TO after last season’s Hard Knocks. We’ll see if it lasts.

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