Fire Drill, Schedule Kill and Star Wars Thrill

Justin January 3, 2017 0

In these changing times, perhaps it’s best that we all work to be a bit more culturally sensitive with those around us.

A story:

I was walking out of the men’s room at work.  I opened the door to leave just as another man was walking in. We stood across from each other for a second, waiting for the other to make a move. I went to my left. He went to my left. I went to my right. He went to my right. At this time, I chose to speak in an effort to break the tension.  I decided to say, “It’s a Mexican standoff.”  But, something happened between my brain and my mouth. Because instead of saying “It’s a Mexican standoff,” I heard myself saying, “It’s a Chinese fire drill.” Which is not correct.  At this time, my brain told my mouth to stop. Unfortunately, this message was delivered mid-utterance. I had already started speaking,

In other words..

I faced off with this guy for a couple of seconds, looked him in the eye, said “CHINESE!” then giggled and walked away.

Again..

  1. “CHINESE!”
  2. giggle
  3. walk away.

Sports Illustrated: December 26th, 2016:

phelps

PREGAME:

Long time readers will notice the frequency of these posts has slowed considerably. That’s because I used to write these on Mondays, when I was home alone. But, a couple of months ago, my work schedule changed. I now work Monday thru Friday. You know- like a person.  I’ve worked weekends for over a decade. I was so excited when I found out it was changing.

But you know what? These five day work weeks are killing me.  I used to work Tuesday thru Friday, then Saturday was a lot more laid back. No management at work. Less pressure. I could wear a sweatshirt. But now, it’s five days of actual workplace working.  And that’s exhausting.

Also, now I have to wait to get haircuts! When I would go to the barber shop on a Monday afternoon, there was never a wait. But Saturday morning? The place is full of people and all of them have hair that needs to be cut before mine.

But, you know, full weekends with my wife, etc, etc etc. It’s great.

THE ARTICLES:

La La Land by Damien Chazelle

This movie is everyone’s pick for Best picture this year. It’s perfectly fine. It looks cool. The music is good. Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone are eminently likable. But there’s not a ton of plot. And it didn’t feel all that substantial. So, best picture? I don’t know.

Rogue One by Gareth Edwards

We happened to see this movie the day after Carrie Fisher died. And I think that factored into how much I enjoyed it.  It was a very good movie, but I think all my Star Wars related grief made the experience of seeing it much better.  And does this happen to you?  After I see a Star Wars movie, I get into the car to go home and I kind of feel like I’m piloting a spaceship. I’m far more aggressive in the movie theater parking lot than I would be if I had just seen a romantic comedy or something.  Also, I shoot laser cannons at the other cars.

Based on a True Story: A Memoir by Norm MacDonald

I love Norm MacDonald. He is one of my favorite comedians and, in my opinion, one of the great storytellers in modern American culture. And his book is a piece of garbage. I get the idea. Instead of writing an actual memoir, he wrote a fictionalized story. I just wish it was even a little bit funny. I honestly didn’t laugh once. I hated it from the start. If I wasn’t an obsessive compulsive weirdo who can’t stop reading a book once I start it, then I would have stopped reading it. But I am so I didn’t and it sucked. The End.

It’s So Easy: And Other Lies by Duff McKagen

On the other hand…

What a great book! McKagen provides enough stories about his time with Guns N Roses to satisfy your curiosity without having the book devolve into a lurid tale of debauchery. And he’s not an idiot. He’s smart and interesting and introspective. Which helps.

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