New Hat, Backup Chat And Grocery Rat

Justin December 7, 2015 0

Back in September, I wrote about my bachelor party in Chicago. The post included this picture, taken at a random bar with my long lost twin:


Once you get past the fact that me and this stranger have bizarrely similar faces, there are two things about this picture that jump out.

  1. my big fat stomach
  2. the hat I’m wearing

Well, there’s not much I can say about the stomach. In my defense, I was standing with my back arched. That shirt is not, in reality, skin tight. It actually fits quite well. I’m by no means slim, but I am not a button popping monster.

As far as the hat is concerned, what a great hat! It belongs to SCP reader Beltway Buddy. I grabbed it off his head and wore it for a couple of hours. Then, every time I looked back at the doppelganger picture, I thought about how good I looked in the hat.  So, a couple of weeks ago, I bought one of my own.


One day last week, I got dressed up for work- dark grey slacks, white shirt, lie grey tie, black sweater vest. I also wore an old school navy overcoat style rain jacket.  Then, I popped on my new hat. I looked like a proper english gentleman! While waiting for the elevator at the end of the day, A CBS radio executive said to me, “Wow, Justin, you look like a whole new man. Marriage must be working for you.”

But, I knew the truth. Danielle is great, but my hat is a game changer.  It works when Im wearing jeans and a sweater too. Or a sweatshirt and running pants. It works everywhere and all the time.

I’m a hat guy now!

Sports Illustrated: December 7th, 2015



I have never seen a movie starring Daniel Day Lewis.

I thought of this earlier in the week, when someone mentioned the Oscar winner in an interview. I’ve never seen Lincoln, I’ve never seen Gangs of New York. I’ve never seen that movie when he talks about the milkshakes. I’ve never seen My Left Foot. None of them. He’s the greatest actor in the world, but I don’t think I would know Daniel Day Lewis if he came to my front door.


LeBron’s Time by Lee Jenkins

I straight up love LeBron James. He’s a great athlete and, as far as I can tell, a really good guy. This profile, by Lee Jenkins, focuses on LeBron’s efforts to become a leader in Cleveland and to pass on some of the winning lessons he learned in Miami to his young teammates. It’s a great read.

What Would Clipboard Jesus Do? by Austin Murphy

Speaking of great reads, this article is fantastic. Murphy focuses on the NFL’s backup quarterbacks, many of whom have been forced into action this year. It’s a fun, quirky idea that, in the past, would have been mangled by Steve Rushin.

3 (on 3) Is The Magic Number by Alex Prewitt

I am embarrassed to say I did not realize the 3 on 3 Overtimes had already begun. And I watched the Rangers in OT last week. I simply didn’t notice. I thought maybe they would do 3 on 3 after the 4 on 4 ended. Apparently, I was watching 3 on 3 all along. In my defense, I got married and then went on a honeymoon at the beginning of the hockey season. I have been distracted.

It Would Hurt Not To Play by S.L. Price

This profile of Jason Witten is weird. The Cowboys tight end had a rough childhood. He plays through injuries. His wife, a nurse, says its fine to play with a concussion because, hey, you might get stabbed anyway.  I have had Jason Witten on my fantasy teams pretty much every year since he entered the league. he is a consistent, if not spectacular, fantasy tight end.

Star Wars Commercials by every friggin company in the world.

I, like most humans, am insanely excited about Star Wars. Apparently, so is every corporation in America. At first, this didn’t bother me. I’ll take any Star Wars I can get. Even the Star Wars branded makeup commercials didn’t phase me. What finally pushed me over the edge? This one:

I don’t know why, but I’m really put off by the Subway ad. Maybe it’s because the company clearly has no idea what they’re referencing here. The Mos Eisley Cantina is a well known “hive of scum and villany.” This is what you want people to think of when they see a commercial for your restaurant. Especially when you consider the headlines your restaurant has been making in the past few months. Maybe, in a post-Jared world, you shouldn’t paint yourselves as a place for creeps and weirdos.

Gristedes by John Catsimitdis

We’ve been shopping at the same supermarket for years. 3 or 4 times a week one or both of us stopped in at the Food Emporium on 82nd and 3rd to pick something up. We never had any complaints. Then, a few weeks ago, the store changed hands. Now, we’re a Gristedes family. Yuck.

At first glance, it’s not all that different. The staff is the same. The overall layout isn’t cpmpletely different. But all of sudden, some stuff isn’t in the same place it always has been. Some things we were used to buying are no longer available.  But, the biggest change is feel. This is what I think of when I hear Food Emporium:

Look how nice! Look how much fun they have at the lobster tank.

Gristedes doesn’t even have commercials! It’s always seemed like a dirty wasteland to me, The kind of place you only go if you’re buying non perishable food items. If they had a jingle, it would go like this:

Someone’s got a store where they sell stuff
Gristedes, Gristedes,
Someone’s customer service is just enough
Gristedes, Gristedes
The Government says our meat’s okay
Gristedes, Gristedes
We’ll try to keep the rats at bay
Gristedes, Gristedes

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