I’ve given people tours of my office many times over the years. I show them the broadcast booths, the editor’s desk, the on-air studios. I bring them to the other radio stations in our little office cluster. I even bring them into the cafeteria to show them the beautiful view of the Hudson River. But, apparently, I’ve neglected to show them the true gem of the office.
I’ve never brought anyone into the men’s room.
Saturday morning, around 7:45, I walked up the block to my office building. I noticed two movie trailers parked out front. A small craft services table was set up in between. It’s a relatively normal occurrence in Manhattan, so I didn’t think much of it. I did, however, make note of the fact that the comedian, Godfrey, was standing outside the building, holding a bag.
(It was this guy:
not this guy:
so I really wasn’t that excited.)
When I got upstairs, there were wires everywhere and people in headsets buzzing around.
“What’s going on?” I asked one of them.
“We’re filming an independent movie,” responded one the headset people, which just enough condescension in his voice that I didn’t want to ask any follow ups. Which is a shame. Because I had one really giant follow up.
“WHY ARE YOU GUYS FILMING IN OUR MEN’S ROOM?”
It was the weirdest thing. The door was propped open. There were giant movie lights set up outside. A woman was inside, pinning paper up over the mirror and holding what appeared to be a light meter. I had to go elsewhere to pee.
Once I returned to the newsroom, I looked at Godfrey’s IMDB page to see what the movie was:
Rapid Eye Movement (2017)
(voting begins after release)
A publicity seeking radio DJ is driven to the edge of insanity when he attempts to break the 11 day world record for staying awake-under the threat of a deranged caller who will kill him if he falls asleep.
Well, that doesn’t sound very good. It’s like Speed, except a microphone instead of a bus.
Eventually, they left. Life returned to normal. The bathroom was once again open to the public. I availed myself of this opportunity a bit later in the day. And the bathroom was absolutely filthy. Paper towels on the floor. Stains on the toilets.
What is wrong with these Hollywood types?
I’m getting married in less than two weeks.
Worth The Wait by Tom Verducci
This is a profile of Jays manager John Gibbons which focuses on the fact that it’s taken him a very long time to make it to the post season. SCP’s most loyal reader, John, emailed me Friday night.
Did you read the John Gibbons profile in this week’s SI? I kind of feel like the whole premise is moot because, post-season roster or not, he was an ’86 Met.
I disagree with John. Gibbons was on the ’86 Mets but he didn’t play in the postseason. So, he’s never been in the post season. Is it weird that I chose this public forum to disagree with my close friend instead of just replying to his email in private? Yes. Now that I think about it, that is weird. I apologize.
Game Theory by Jack Dickey
Now, this article is a piece of garbage. It begins by talking about how much Mike Matheny tries to avoid the spotlight – then discusses his book, “The Matheny Manifesto.” Then, it tries to paint his stellar character by saying, essentially, “even though Oscar Tavares had some issues staying in shape and playing hard, Matheny was still sad that the outfielder died.”
Penitence Race by David Simon
I don’t even know what this was. When he was in 5th grade, The Wire creator David Simon says he promised god he would never skip hebrew school if his favorite player, Mike Epstein, hit a home run. So, 50 years later, Simon made Epstein come to Yom Kippur services with him because the Orioles and Nationals have always been bad. But, the Orioles and Nationals are still bad. And Simon finds out that Epstein didn’t even homer in the game he was thinking of. What the hell was this?
The Daily Show with Trevor Noah
It’s been two weeks. I think it’s still too early to make a call on whether or not I like Noah. There are a couple of reasons for that. 1) He doesn’t seem comfortable yet. He’s not smooth reading a teleprompter, he doesn’t seem fully comfortable with the subject matter he’s joking about and the writers are still writing jokes in the voice of Jon Stewart. Which is where reason 2 comes in to play. The Daily Show with Jon Stewart hadn’t really been good since the former host returned from directing that movie in the middle east. The writing had gotten lazy and the new correspondents completely threw away nuance in favor of broad premises. This is not Trevor Noah’s fault. It’s Jordan Klepper’s fault. And Hishan Minaj’s fault. It’s all jerk off jokes and obvious humor. On the plus side, the two new correspondents that were brought in with Noah, Desi Lydac and Roy Wood, Jr, have been good. And Noah is really good at doing voices.
The Worcester Tuxedos by me
My fantasy football team is named after the two things my friends are most unhappy about in regards to my wedding- traveling to Worcester, Massachusetts and wearing tuxedos. I think the name is great. It is the only positive that can be connected to this team. Here is my performance yesterday:
This is arguably the worst team in fantasy football history. Eddy Lacy, the 2nd pick overall, had 3 points yesterday. My second round pick, Calvin Johnson, led the team with 11. 3rd rounder LeSean McCoy hasn’t played. Peyton Manning is terrible. Vincent Jackson only plays well when you bench him. (he had 29 pts on my bench last week. 4 this week!) Three weeks in a row, I have picked up a high performing free agent during the week only to have them get injured during the 1st quarter of the 1st game they’re playing since I’ve added them. I have 1 win, and that’s only because my opponent forgot to sub out an injured QB. My entire bench is injured.
4 different people in my league texted me yesterday about how bad my team was. But they weren’t even trash talking. It’s like they were making condolence calls.
And yet, I’ve decided to embrace it. I will certainly try to win, but I’m prepared to be impressed by my own ineptitude every week. Will I ever break 100 points again? Will my entire roster catch MRSA? Anything is possible.