Country Feedback: HBO’s Hard Knocks 2014 Week 4

Justin August 19, 2014 0

Is this season of Hard Knocks terrible? It might be. Let’s see if it gets better in Week 3.

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-The episode opens with us having to watch knee surgery. And while that’s tough to watch, I am more horrified by the nurse who reads Marquis Spruill’s birthdate before the surgery begins. He was born in 1991. I am old.

- He had the surgery at Emory University hospital, the same place where they’re treating those Ebola people. I wonder if the players get concerned about that. What if the Falcons locker room becomes an ebola hot zone? That’s like.. way worse than a MRSA outbreak.

-KROY! This idiot/reality show husband is struggling to recover from a foot injury. He sits in a one on one meeting with his position coach, with a huge wad of tobacco in his mouth. Dude has a gold digger and four kids at home. Did Tony Gwynn teach him nothing?

-I didn’t realize that Danish people and Dutch people were different until I saw the two countries play against each other in the World Cup a few years ago. So, there’s no way that these morons knew enough to give someone born in Amsterdam the nickname “Dutch.” (ED NOTE: I realized later that this guys nickname was Amsterdam, not Dutch. That makes more sense.)

-Matt Ryan tells a funny joke. The word “pussy” is involved. Fun fact: I hate that word as a euphemism for vagina. It makes me uncomfortable.  But I’ll call you a pussy 8 ways till Sunday. It’s a great insult.

-The Falcons are all reacting to the heat of Atlanta in the summer. They’re struggling with it.  Here’s another fun fact: My brother went to Emory and his graduation started at like 7:3o in the morning because that was the only way you could have a large group of people sitting outside in Atlanta without having mass casualties. And it was still incredibly, uncomfortably hot. Everyone waited until they heard the name of their graduate, then got the hell out of there. That night we ate a Brazilian steakhouse. Those are also terrible. You fill up on meat in the first ten minutes then sit there uncomfortable the rest of the night.

-Can you tell that I’m not very interested in the Falcons right now? I’m talking about graduations and Ebola and steakhouses.

-Julio Jones, Roddy White and Harry Douglas go bowling together. That’s cool. They’re like a real unit, both on and off the field. Also, they appear to be good at bowling.

-Backup QB TJ Yates goes through his cadences, quietly, in a conference room by himself. That’s another cool shot to see.

-The second part of the episode moves to Houston, where the Falcons are going to practice and then play against the Texans. Yates, who was just traded from Houston, checks back in with all of his former teammates. He seems like a nice guy.

-The director frames JJ Watt’s entrance perfectly. He walks up the center steps of a set of bleachers in slow motion, then stands for second like a super hero.

- We also get to see each position coach leading his own individual meeting.

-The Dutch guy speaks, I don’t know, is Dutch a language? Is it just German?  Either way, Special Teams and JJ Watt have no translation. He uses those english terms in his cell phone call home.

-Watt has a pleasant chat with Falcons coach Mike Smith. He says Yates is a good guy and gives a positive scouting report on 1st round pick Jake Matthews

-What does it say about the Falcons that JJ Watt of the Texans is the biggest star in this episode? Nothing good.

-Houston’s tight ends coach brings his son over to meet Matt Ryan, because they used to live in Boston and went to Ryan’s games at BC. The kid seems excited to meet his hero. The coach acts like a goonie Pats fan who runs into his favorite player in the parking lot of Shaw’s grocery store (regional references!) Shouldn’t NFL coaches act like they’ve been around NFL players before?

-LT Sam Baker gets hurt in the preseason game. Now I feel like I’m cheating a bit, because I already know he’s out for the season. I saw it on the ESPN bottom line a few days ago. Does that count as a spoiler?

-Well, another boring episode comes to an end. i found my attention lagging throughout.

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