-Nothing’s perfect because everything sucks and things never go right:
We left for our trip on Sunday morning. I got home from work Saturday at around 5, packed for the trip, then sat down on my couch, finally ready to completely let go and relax for my first week long vacation in A DECADE. And almost immediately, my ear started to hurt. And I knew exactly what it was. “Holy shit,” I thought to myself, ” I have an ear infection.” I didn’t say anything at first, because I didn’t want my girlfriend to make me go to a doctor who would confirm my diagnosis and then have her decide we weren’t going on the trip. So I didn’t say anything until a few hours later, and then hedged my comments, partly to calm her nerves and partly because the rational part of my brain was making the points that:
1. Adults don’t really get ear infections. (even though I had one about 5 years ago)
2. The chances of me developing this infection at the exact worst moment are astronomically low. I’m probably just a little nervous about flying and going to a non-Canada foreign country for the first time in my life and that nervousness is manifesting itself in ear pain.
But, deep down I knew the truth.
Either way, I got up the next day and left for vacation. By then, the pain had subsided a bit, but my ear still felt completely clogged. But, I put it out of my mind as much as I could. We arrived late in the afternoon on Sunday, walked around the resort a bit, ate dinner then went back to the room to go to sleep. The next morning, though, I decided I had to go to a doctor. So we went to the medical clinic attached to the resort. There I was treated by an incredibly pleasant, thoroughly competent doctor who spoke about 10 words of english. I speak about 3 words of Spanish, so that was awesome. It was at that moment that I found myself surprised by just how foreign foreign countries can be. In my mind, I think I expected everyone to speak and understand English, but to do it with a charming accent.
Either way, the doctor figured out what was up and gave me a ton of antibiotics, the most powerful of which were featured in the exciting teaser trailer I posted last week. The medication worked enough to make me feel almost better. My ears were still a bit clogged all week (and still are right now,) but the infection didn’t stop me from enjoying the trip at all.
Still, I got an ear infection the night before I left for my first week long beach vacation in a decade because OBVIOUSLY THAT WOULD HAPPEN TO ME.
You know how when you go on vacation, you end up becoming vacation buddies with some other couple or group of people who are also vacationing at the same place. You end up sitting next to them at the pool or on the beach or during dinner. You strike up a conversation. Turns out they’re from Ohio or Pennsylvania, but the women have a lot in common with your girlfriend and the guys are all sports fans. So, you decide group up for the week, hanging out during the day and going out together at night. You even exchange contact info at the end of the week, thinking you may actually keep in touch once you get back to real life.
We did not do that. Fuck Ohio and fuck other people. I’m not there to make friends. I’m there to relax.
That means “The Germans.” (At least that’s what an internet translator tells me.) The resort we went to is popular among German tourists. In fact, there’s a German travel club called “Sensi Mar” which was affiliated with the facility. Members of Sensi Mar had their own section of the hotel, they had their own private restaurant for dinner and they even had their own cordoned off section of the buffet dining room where everyone at the resort ate breakfast and lunch:
Essentially, the Germans were forcibly separated from the rest of the general vacation population and, when mingling with others, were easily identifiable by the colored wrist bands they were wearing.
At first, I thought, “Now you know how it feels, Germans. How do you like it?” Eventually, though, I realized they all seemed to like it very much. They all looked happy to be together. So, maybe, that whole thing in the past was just a big misunderstanding.
Here are several spy shots on one particular German who we saw every morning at breakfastL
This man looks remarkably like Sting, except he looks like Sting at a very specific moment. Imagine if Sting walked into his house and for a split second thought he smelled gas. “Is that gas? Is the pilot light out? What do I do when the pilot light is out?” he thinks. This man looked like Sting at that exact second. And so, I named him “Befuddled Sting” and I was excited every time I saw him.
Other celebrity doppelgängers (GERMAN WORD!) I saw during my week in the Dominican Republic:
1.Almost Tom Skerritt
2. Camo Rob Reiner
-One final footnote:
Late on Friday, the day before we came home from vacation, I accidentally banged my foot while in the pool. My right pinkie toe is in extreme pain. It is most likely badly bruised, though there is the outside possibility that it is broken.
I was literally injured head to toe- start to finish.