There’s a chain of stores in New York called Ricky’s. It’s kind of like a Spencer Gifts, but instead of lava lamps and fake vomit, it sells makeup and novelty sex toys. When we were planning SCP reader Craig’s bachelor party a few years ago, and we knew in advance that he would act like a little girl who refused to have fun, Ricky’s is the place where I went to buy the plastic penis bachelorette party necklace we intended to force him to wear.
But what Ricky’s really is is a Halloween store. It’s where you go to get your sexy nurse or sexy police officer or sexy sex worker costume. I would imagine Ricky’s does 85% of its yearly business during late September and October. And business must be good, because this year, the franchise branched out a bit.
They signed a temporary lease on a vacant storefront on the Upper East Side and opened what they called a “Pup Up Store.” It’s a place to get costumes for your pets. Here’s the sign in the window:
I’n guessing your eye caught the same thing mine did.
It’s bad enough when people dress their dogs in traditional costumes. (Your Rottweiler doesn’t want to look like a scarecrow. He wants to eat his own shit off the sidewalk.) But what kind of monster dresses up an animal in a kinky adult costume?
And what do they have in a pet adult section? Do you dress dachsunds like giant dildos with ears? (Because that’s kind of what they look like anyway.) Do you dress your cat as a dominatrix? Do they have gimp masks for rabbits? IS THERE BIRD PORN?
Luckily, this temporary store closes tomorrow. So I won’t have to wrap my head around this concept again for another year. Upper East Side animals will once again be safe from the scourge of dog sized crotchless Jack O’Lantern Panties.
The scorecard column about former and possibly future Notre Dame QB Everett Golson is somewhat interesting, in that he’s painted as an intellectual who made a mistake and not a typical athlete who doesn’t think the rules apply to him. Here’s a story. I got caught cheating on my last final in my senior year in college. It was a literature class and it was my last semester, so I hadn’t read any of the books. I quite obviously craned my neck to read the answers of the girl next to me. At the end of the test, I handed in my blue book and the professor said, “Were you reading her answers?” I played dumb for a second as I imagined my parents disowning me for getting thrown out of school for cheating on what was LITERALLY my last day of college. But, then the teacher said, “Well, it’s an essay test. So, it’s not like you really could have cheated even if you tried.” And that’s the last time I ever thought about that story until right now.
Gone Crazy by Tom Verducci
Verducci writes a ridiculous article in which he says MLB should add a new rule which allows managers to send any player on the roster up to bat one time each game. If your best player doubles when you’re down 1 in the 8th inning, you can send him right back up to bat in an effort to drive himself in. This is the single dumbest thing I’ve ever read from Tom Verducci. Baseball is a cyclical game. Pitching is king right now, but in five years, a new generation of hitters will have everyone bemoaning the lack of quality pitching in the Majors. It’s always been that way. And Verducci says both Red Sox GM Ben Cherington and Cards Gm John Musncxkdhjce (I’m not looking up how to spell his ridiculous last name. I think there are some z’s in there,) think its a good idea. But, that’s spin. He clearly walked up to both of them when they weren’t expecting it and said, “Hey, what if we add a bonus batter?” and they both said, “uhhh.. sure. That’s… umm… an interesting idea, Tom.”
Oh, I almost forgot.
Fuck the Red Sox. Having them win the world series again is the single worst thing in the whole world. Read this post from Gawker. It made me feel a little bit better.
Consider The NFL Intrigued by Austin Murphy
Panthers Middle Linebacker Luke Kuechly is such a great player and such a huge star that, before reading this glowing profile of him, I had NEVER HEARD OF HIM IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.
Waiting For The Hate by Austin Murphy
Stanford-Oregon has all the makings of a great college rivalry, except that their student bodies don’t hate each other yet. So says Austin Murphy. I only made it halfway through this article.
The Second Life of Jeff Lukas by Tim Layden
In the days before SI showed up in my mailbox, I saw about 9,000 tweets about how great this article was. It got really annoying. I’m getting tired of sports writers on twitter deciding that they’re the pulitzer committee and are the ones who decide which articles people should read. Don’t tweet “important work” and then add a link to some stupid article about an idiot getting run over by a horse. Any way, this might have been the greatest article of all time, but I didn’t read it.
Point After by Phil Taylor
This week’s issue ends with a pretty heartbreaking column by Phil Taylor. Definitely worth reading.