Internet Woes, Quarterback Throws and Meaningful Prose

Justin September 4, 2013 0

SCP family, are you wondering why this posting is coming two days late?

Here’s a hint, in the form of a paid advertisement once taken out by the comedian Eugene Mirman in his local paper, the Greenpoint Gazette.:


My experience wasn’t quite the same as Mr. Mirman’s. In fact, the technician who came to my apartment and fixed the problem was a very professional and exceedingly nice gentleman who diagnosed and corrected the issue in about 15 minutes. (He did, however, leave a black twist tie on the floor after unwinding a new cable. But, why quibble?)

Recently, Time Warner Cable has been getting a lot of bad press because they took people’s CBS and Showtime away during a rights dispute with those networks’ corporate parent, (a company I also happen to work for. Again, why quibble?) This did not bother me. It’s the summer. CBS is mostly reruns and Letterman has been mailing it in for months. He even pre-taped his 20th anniversary episode. Come on!  As for Showtime, everyone says Ray Donovan is good, but I’m not going to watch that. I’m tired of anti-heroes.

My issues with Time Warner are internet related. And by that I mean I had no internet in my home for a week.  The only way I could get online was to use my phone’s 4G or to go to work or to use the free Wi-Fi that pretty much every business in New York City offers to it’s customer. WHAT AM I? AMISH?

The problem began Thursday. I called customer service and was originally told there was an outage in my area. That’s fine. These things happen. I even got a call later in the day telling me that the outage had been corrected, so, when I got  home, my service should be back up and running.

Of course, that was not the case. I tried to reset my modem and router twice. Then I called Time Warner back to see what was up. After navigating the computer prompts, I was told to.. reset my modem and router. So, I did. Again. It did not work. Again. So, I called back and, this time, got connected to an actual person working in a call center half way around the world. And do you know what this person asked me to do? That’s right. Reset my modem and router. It did not work.

“Should I bring in my modem and trade it out for a new one?”

“No, there’s a problem with the signal coming through to your home. A new modem probably won’t make a difference. We’ll need to send a technician to your home. Our earliest possible appointment is next Wednesday from 2-4pm.”

“That’s a week from now. I am not pleased with this particular option. I have a job. It will be difficult for me to be available during the window of time you’ve offered.” (I’m paraphrasing.)

“That’s the earliest we have available. I am sorry.”

“Well, what about a little later.”

“No, I’m sorry. That’s the earliest we have available.”

“I said later.”

“That’s the earliest one.”

“FINE. Give me that appointment.”

Fun, right?

So, now I had six days to wait. But, Time Warner didn’t want me to feel lonely. I got an automated call every single day asking me whether I still needed to keep the appointment. Because, apparently, the only thing Time Warner hates more than providing decent customer service over the phone is providing customer service in person. After telling me the only way to fix my service was to see me in person, the company spent the next week hoping my internet would magically fix itself on its own.  Yesterday, I got one last call, this one threatening me that they wouldn’t send a technician unless I answered my phone right before the guy was supposed to show up.

I had to work until 2 today. So, I had to have my friend come to my apartment and wait for the first hour, until I got home. Ordinarily, I would take the subway home. But today, I had to take a 30 dollar cab ride because I couldn’t chance going underground and missing the call.

That reminds me! During my initial conversation on Thursday night, I was told that, once my service was resolved, I would have to go online and fill out a form to let the company know how long I was without service. That’s the only way I will be able to get a credit for the week of service I’m paying for even though I didn’t have any actual service.

So, the guy shows up at 3:45 today. He does a couple of quick diagnostic tests.

“Your modem is bad. You just need to swap it out for a new one.”


Sports Illustrated: September 2nd, 2013



SI talks to comedian Hannibal Burress about his appearance in the new Kevin Durant commerical.

Here’s that commercial:

And here’s some bonus Burress stand up. We are loading up on the alt-comedy today:



You Have Options by Greg A. Bedard

Bedard writes about the read option. Is it the flavor of the month, like the wildcat a couple of years ago? Is it a lasting offensive innovation, like the forward pass?

Pass It Forward by SI Staff

RG3, Andrew Luck, Russell Wilson and Colin Kaepernick are each compared to one of the great QB’s of the last generation (Elway, Peyton, Drew Brees and Steve Young.) None of these comparisons are very convincing. They all seem extremely surface and not particularly well thought out.

Dez Bryant is a Grown Man by Austin Murphy

Murphy writes an entire article about how Bryant is getting more mature and is poised to have a truly break out year. Yet, the entire article plays out as Murphy is waiting for Bryant to show up for an interview. He ends up waiting 4 hours, then having to eventually track Bryant down at his home the next day. Not very convincing.

Scouting Reports by SI Staff

Peter King says the Pats are going to beat the Seahawks in the Superbowl. Next, comes the individual team scouting reports. This year, SI decided not to list each team’s starting lineups. That’s always been my favorite part of the scouting reports. I hope that doesn’t mean they’re pulling the lineups from the NBA and MLB previews. That would be a travesty.

The Silent Treatment by Mark Bowden

Bowden writes about the history of the silent snap count. Nothing about this article should have been appealing to me, yet I really enjoyed it. It was the best part of the issue, aside from seeing that SI picks the Giants to make the playoffs.

Point After by Brian Burke

Burke, the head of USA Hockey and the founder of the You Can Play Project, discusses the issue of gay rights during the upcoming Sochi Olympics in Russia. Burke, whose son was gay, has become the most vocal supporter of the LGBT community in all of sports, so his message matters. He says countries shouldn’t boycott the Olympics, but individual athletes should try to make individual statements.

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