Home At Last: HBO’s Hard Knocks 2013 Week 3

Justin August 20, 2013 0

I had my first fantasy draft over the weekend. That means the NFL season is growing ever closer. Another indication? We’re now halfway through the Hard Knocks season. What did week 3 have in store for the Cincinnati Bengals? Let’s find out

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-This week’s episode opens with a painter, working in a studio, while the voice over compares building an NFL roster to fine art. It’s unclear if they painter is a member of the Bengals or if he’s just a random artist or actor.

-James Harrison explains why he hates the Hard Knocks cameras. He doesn’t think HBO deserves to be in the locker room because they didn’t expend blood, sweat and tears to get there. He says this to a beat writer who also does not appear to have given blood, sweat or tears.

-We also watch James Harrison get acupuncture. He asked his acupuncturist to give him the most needles anyone had ever gotten. This guy is a certifiable lunatic.

-Undrafted rookie Jason DiManche gets to be the center of attention for a few minutes. The coaches like him. He’s very talented but is over-thinking everything. We see him asking the coaches about technique and really working to get better. They want him to make the team.

-Now we find out, the painter is Aaron Maybin.  He has a studio that appears to be completely empty except for his paintings and an air conditioner in the window. It looks like the kind of place that painters should work. The former defensive end for the Bills and Jets is now trying to make the Bengals as a linebacker. He talks about his painting and then talks about his struggles to avoid being a bust in the NFL.

-Rookie show! This is always one of the best parts of Hard Knocks. All the first year players put on a talent show for the veterans. It starts with rookies imitating their veteran teammates and coaches. I don’t think its funny, but the vets are cracking up. One of the rookies draw a dick on the overhead while imitating a coach drawing up a play. That made me laugh. Dick jokes always make me laugh.

-Starting safety George Iloka breaks his hand by punching a teammate in the head. While the guy is wearing a helmet. Everyone agrees. He’s a fucking idiot. He gets called into the principal’s office, where Marvin Lewis stays very calm while telling Iloka he’s a fucking idiot. This is why Lewis is a good coach. He’s very even keeled.

-Taylor Mays collects backpacks and shops at Hot Topic.

-All the young Bengals seem to have live in girlfriends. They’re like 22 and 23 years old. That’s too young for that!

-Giovanni Bernard, who drives his girlfriend’s mom’s minivan, gets some teasing from teammates but then gets support from the Mom of a young fan in a wheelchair. After Bernard takes a photo with her child, the mom says “Minivan drivers unite!” That made me laugh.

-I’m surprised that it’s taken this long for Mike Zimmer to get the full focus of the filmmakers. A lot of players, including Adam (not Pacman anymore) Jones, consider the defensive coordinator to be a second (of first) father. Zimmer also discusses Vontaze Burfict, who came into the league with a bad reputation but has earned the coach’s trust.

-Andy Dalton flosses before games.

-The players are once again talking about which superhero powers they would like to have. This conversation happens on the sideline during the 2nd half of the Bengals preseason game against the Titans.

-Backup QB Josh Johnson plays terribly. He knows it.

-Taylor Mays doesn’t think Gwyneth Paltrow is attractive but he thinks she has a good personality.

-Team President Mike Brown makes his first appearance since the first week of the series. He’s discussing who is going to get cut with the coaches. It’s always rough to watch the players get cut on Hard Knocks, but its especially jarring to hear Brown and the coaches discuss getting rid of guys so matter-of-factly.

-We watch Aaron Maybin get cut then meet with Marvin Lewis. He’s very composed and professional about the experience. This week’s episode opened with him. And it closes with him.


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