I have a great idea for a kids movie.
There’s this group of little girls who have all been abandoned by their families. They live in abject poverty and indentured servitude to an abusive woman with an alcohol problem. At one point, the abusive woman sells one of the little girls to a businessman. The girl is delivered to the businessman’s home.
The drunk woman eventually decides she could have gotten the businessman for more money, so she, along with her criminal brother and sister-in-law, con the businessman into handing the girl back over, along with a large sum of money. Their plan is to kill the girl by drowning her and then take off with the money. The Businessman figures out the con and tries to re-obtain the girl. In the meantime, the girl tries to escape. At this point, the criminal brother punches the abusive drunk woman in the face and chases the little girl up a tower, where she dangles precipitously off a ledge, over a raging river. She is ultimately rescued by the businessman’s bodyguard who kicks the criminal brother in the face and knocks him off the tower.
Then Franklin and Eleanor Roosevelt show up.
You want your 6 year old daughter to watch that? How was Annie ever considered appropriate for children? Because of the singing?
L. Jon Wertheim uses the Scorecard column to write one of the smartest takes on the PED issue that I’ve ever read. He makes the point that, for players coming from Latin America, the benefits of PED’s far outweigh the negatives. A possible suspension and loss of a few months salary are nothing compared with the opportunity to earn millions to improve your life and to pull your entire family out of poverty. He points out that Everth Cabrera is losing roughly 100 times the annual per capita income of his native Niceragua because of his suspension, but next year he’ll earn 250 times that same annual per capita income. So, he’s still coming out ahead in the long run because he cheated.
Glimmer Twins by Albert Chen
Chen writes about Byron Buxton and Miguel Sano, two can’t miss prospects in the Twins system. They’re described as the next Mike Trout and the next Bryce Harper. Every article I’ve ever read about a can’t miss prospect comes off like a tall tale. The players always sound like Paul Bunyon or Sidd Finch. Some, like Harper or Stephen Strasburg, eventually live up to the hype. Most do not.
Revenge of the Nerd by Pete Thamel
Thamel writes about the Stanford linebacker Shayne Skov, who is described as a nerd because he likes learning. Skov is also a player who was kicked out of high school, arrested for DUI and coming off a serious injury. Good luck to whatever NFL team decides to draft him. I’m not saying he’ll turn out to be Aaron Hernandez, but he could be David Diehl, who embarrassed the Giants by getting drunk and plowing into a bunch of parked cars in Astoria after watching Croatia play in the World Cup at a bar.
Best and Brightest by SI Staff
SI staffers get the chance to profile “nerdy” players at their alma maters. I don’t care about the players, but I’m interested to see how young some of the SI writers are. Sarah Kwak graduated from Duke in 2007? Lee Jenkins is only a year older than me? His name is Lee! That’s an old man name. He should be at least 50.
The Heisman by Zac Ellis
The QB from Florida State is the odds on favorite to win the Heisman according to Zac Ellis. What are his qualifications for making this prediction? They don’t say.
The Old School by Andy Staples
Ironically, Staples breaks down the pros and cons of using a hurry up offense in the most boring way possible. He just throws complicated stats at you. My eyes glazed over.
Big Bang Theory by Stewart Mandel
Stewart Mandel hates the BCS, but it wasn’t all bad.
Scouting Reports by SI Staff
It’s scouting reports
War and Roses by Brian Curtis
The 1942 Rose Bowl was played in Durham, North Carolina. If you find that fact interesting, you will like this article. If you don’t, skip it.
Point After by Steve Rushin
For once, I didn’t hate it