Do It Again: HBO’s Hard Knocks 2013; Week 2

Justin August 14, 2013 0

I was at the Yankee game tonight and I would like to sincerely thank the fat fuck and his fat fucking girlfriend who sat two seats down from me and yelled after every pitch. Because of them, I decided to find seats somewhere else and ended up in a much better place.

A quick sampling of what this obscene behemoth decided to yell at the top of his lungs during the first two innings of a meaningless August game between two teams who are all but completely out of contention:

-“C’mon Blue!” after every single pitch that was either called a strike when the Yankees were up or a ball when CC was pitching.

-“This guy is terrible!” while Mike Trout was batting against CC in the first inning. Was he talking about Trout? Was he talking about CC? Who knows? It was the first inning.

-“Why the fuck are you running? Is it you or Girardi who is retarded? It’s both of you” yelled at Yankee infielder Jayson Nix who was caught stealing in the second inning with one out, Curtis Granderson at bat and the Yanks down two runs. In other words, a completely acceptable time to try to steal a base.

-“This fucking beer is warm as shit. Warm beer is shit. Who wants a warm fucking beer?” Self explanatory

As far as the fat fucking girlfriend, She whined about the beer too, but didn’t really say anything else. She was just offensive for squeezing her entire fat body into a tight Yankee tank top. She looked like a sausage in a too tight casing.

Fuck both of you.

Anyway, Hard Knocks, week 2

-This week opens with an interesting conversation between two of the coaches, about how difficult it is for defensive players to play hard in practice while trying NOT to hit the QB.

-Backup QB John Skelton is struggling with the terminology of a new offense. At first, it seems like the coaches are cool with it but it becomes obviously pretty quickly that they aren’t happy with him.  Skelton is in danger of going from starter in Arizona to 3rd stringer in Cincinnati in a matter of months.  His saving grace may be the other backup QB on the roster. Josh Johnson can’t throw.

-They actually spend a lot of time on both backups. It’s kind of cool to hear offensive coordinator Jay Gruden deal with the shortcomings of both players.

-Margus Hunt! A hammer thrower from Estonia turned 2nd round pick of the Bengals. He only took up football because his alma mater, SMU, dropped track and field while he was there. Defensive coordinator Mike Nolan sums it up nicely. “I like this fucker.”

-1st round pick Tyler Eifert is living with lineman Andrew Whitforth and his family. That usually happens in hockey. I like that it’s happening here.

-Back to Margus Hunt. His girlfriend comes to visit. At one point they show her walking away. She’s wearing giant hooker heels and super short shorts. Not bad.

-The Bengals all love their girlfriends. I am watching this with mine. She thinks its sweet.

-Former Jet, and ex-Hard Knocks star, John Connor is now with the Bengals. Marvin Lewis calls it Terminator 2. But in the next breath, we find out he may not even make the team because of a rookie fullback whose never played the position before and whose first name is Orson.

-The Bengals get a police escort when they get to Atlanta. WHY?

-Who would think that ant bites would be a major problem for an NFL football team. Maybe the Bengals should have scouted their walk through location a bit more before they ended up in an abandoned field.

-I love watching Matt Ryan and Andy Dalton hang out on the field together while the Falcons and Bengals practice together. Same with Mike Smith and Marvin Lewis.

-John Gruden talking about Jay Gruden in the ESPN production meeting was pretty cool. In fact, watching the entire ESPN production meeting is pretty interesting.

-Back to Margus Hunt again. Everyone calls him Ivan Drago. He’s tired of it but remains good natured. The Bengals should cut #97, whoever he is, because he thinks Drago was in Rocky 3. IDIOT!

-A bunch of Bengals go to the hotel pool. During the wide shot of the scene, there are two little white girls sitting there, watching what happens. They look confused.

-Geno Atkins says he’s flamboyant because he can float. To his teammates’ credit, they all know he’s a putz who means buoyant.

-I actually watched the Bengals/Falcons game on ESPN,but seeing the same game from behind the scenes is something new.


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