Pants Around My Knees, Baby Tease And Injured QB’s

Justin August 12, 2013 0

Here’s an old Louie CK bit that is relevant to today’s conversation:

Specifically, we’re talking about the pants thing. Much like Louie, I have been having a problem keeping my pants up lately. I bought a new belt yesterday, which should help because my old one was stretched out and was not doing a great job and holding up the pants. But. also, the fatness.

One of the bi-products of having pants that don’t always sit where they are supposed to is that my shirt often becomes untucked during the day. All the standing and sitting and moving around at work ends up making me look a bit sloppier than I did when I left the house in the morning.

So, I go to the men’s room to re-tuck.

WHERE IS THE BEST PLACE IN AN OFFICE MEN’S ROOM TO RE-TUCK YOUR SHIRT?

There are three choices. You can do it in a stall, at the urinal or in front of the sinks and mirror. None of the three are ideal.

If you go into a stall, it gets claustrophobic. If the toilets are automatic flush, theres a chance that all your movements may set off the mechanism and lead to get getting splashed with toilet water.

If you do it in front of the urinal, the automatic flush threat remains. There is also the danger that someone else is waiting to use the facilities and your re-tuck is delaying them. I don’t know about you, but I get nervous when someone is standing there, waiting for me to finish. This could lead to a mis-tuck and then a re-re-tuck. It takes too long.

Finally, we have the sink and mirror section. This is a common area to be shared by all bathroom users. It seems rude to drop your pants there. Plus, this is the area closest to the door. People are coming in and going out. Others are walking by. Do you want to be the guy with his pants down in front of the open men’s room door? I don’t.

(A side note: To all those people who brush their teeth in the men’s room sink after lunch, STOP DOING THAT. It’s disgusting. Do you know what is floating around in the air of a public restroom? You’re essentially taking stool samples from all your co-workers, covering them in mint flavored paste and rubbing that concotion all over the inside of your mouth. )

So, there really is no good answer. Hopefully my new belt will do the trick.

Sports Illustrated: August 12th, 2013

Peyton Manning, Football, Denver Broncos

 

PREGAME:

Last Monday may go down as one of the 10 most important non-game events in the history of baseball. SO, Sports Illustrated responds with it’s second article in three weeks dedicated almost entirely to football. Biogenesis gets the Scorecard column but, once again, its about ARod. Why not forget about him and write about what the rest of the suspensions will mean to the pennant race. The Rangers lost their best power hitter. The Indians lost their shortstop. Analyze that a little bit.

THE ARTICLES:

Imagine Me and You.. by Chris Ballard

The thing most people will take away from this very good profile of Wes Welker is that he says he “endured” Bill Belichick for the last couple of years of his tenure in New England. But, what I’ve decided to take away is Welker’s quote about his honeymoon,

“Probably made a baby.”

Great quote!

Mayor McCheese by Michael Rosenberg

Longtime reader, part time contributer and friend of the site, John, texted me about this article. He pointed out that Rosenberg worked very hard to shoehorn a discussion of Biogenesis into this piece on Aaron Rodgers. Rodgers is friends with Brewers star Ryan Braun. If Rodgers eventually forgives Braun, Rosenberg surmises that all of Wisconsin will eventually forgive Braun. OK.

Fantasy 2013 by Eric Mack

I have the fourth pick in my draft this upcoming Saturday. I might take a quarterback.

5 Minute Guide by Alessandra Miglio and Eric Edholm

Somewhat helpful.

You Gotta Play Hurt by Dave Sheinin

I got bored pretty quick and stopped reading about two pages in. This is about how football culture pressures players to continue playing through injuries. It focuses on Rg3 last year.

Point After by Steve Rushin

Stupid.

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