I’m sorry, internet.
I’ve been neglecting my duties as SCP’s resident important social commentator/dick joke maker. I’ve had a lot going on this summer and our beloved website has been forced to pay the price.
So, where have I been?
I attended a wedding in Baltimore, Maryland. It was a gala affair featuring a magnificent toast by a gentleman wearing a very dapper non-rented tuxedo. And as the sunlight broke through the darkness the next morning, I said to myself, “The decade of Justin is upon us.”
Ahh, hubris, you’re a fickle monster. A week later, I was be-felled (probably not a word) by infection. Knocked on my ass for more than 2 weeks. Just days after declaring the decade of Justin, I was wearing a ski hat and a child’s fever reducing patch on my couch in the middle of a july heatwave, praying for the sweet release of death. Or at least more popsicles to make my sore throat feel better.
Then, I went to Boston to meet my girlfriend’s family. (They liked me. But, you’re not surprised to read that.)
Through it all, I was in no condition to read Sports Illustrared, nor was I capable of commenting on the mundane circumstances that make up my day to day existence. And for that, I apologize.
But, now I’m back. I am once again committed to reading a magazine that no one else cares about and writing about the tiny hassles that turn my life into the sisyphusian struggle that you’ve come to expect to read about.
Thank you for your patience.
I continue to really enjoy the new section, “Big Board.” This week, SI profiles incoming Arizona freshman Aaron Gordon, who apparently dunks very hard and knows a lot about basketball. Here’s an example:
Love Is In The Air by Ben Reiter
Good for the Pirates. Reiter profiles Pittsburgh’s somewhat surprising season. He focuses mainly on the bullpen, specifically set up man Mark Melancon and closer Jason Grilli. At some point, though, I think Andrew McCutchen deserves the full SI treatment. He seems to be a young man with a fun personality and his priorities in check.
Second Impressions by Joe Sheehan
No one except Joe Sheehan believes that Orioles 3rd baseman Manny Machado is a legitimate MVP candidate. His teammate, Chris Davis, is clearly the Oriole most deserving of that award. But, that doesn’t stop Sheehan from wasting my time comparing Machado against clear front runner Miguel Cabrera. Also, he thinks Bryce Harper is the NL MVP? Why? Based on what?
Country and Western by Tom Verducci
Buster Posey comes off like a nice guy who is incredibly boring. And, after reading this Verducci profile, I think that’s exactly how the Giants catcher likes it.
The Wizard Of Kabul by Chris Ballard
This article is really long and I had to clean my shower. Sorry. The fight against mildewy tiles won out.
Point After by Richard O’Brien
O’Brien writes about the murder of a skateboarder in New Orleans. I think he hints that the guy was also a pot dealer. I’m not sure though.