Open Laces, Open Secrets and Aussie Opens

Justin January 28, 2013 0

“Time to go to work,” I thought, as I left my apartment one morning last week.

The walk to the subway is 3 blocks up and two blocks over. It takes about five minutes.

“Uh oh, I think my shoe is untied,” I noticed about ten steps into my journey, “maybe I can ignore it.”

It took about five more steps for me to realize that, no, I could not ignore it. If I kept walking, my shoe was probably going to come off.

At that moment, for whatever reason, this was the worst possible thing that could have happened. I looked down at my foot. It seemed so far away. Even the thought of bending down to tie my shoe was exhausting. I new my bag  would swing around from my back and throw off my balance as I crouched on the sidewalk, trying to keep my knee from making contact with the wet ground. And I knew my scarf would hang down and block my view of my shoe, so I would be tying blind. AHHHHH! TYING MY SHOE IS THE WORST! My kingdom for some velcro.

But, what choice did I have? If I kept walking, I would eventually step out of my shoe. I was going to have to suck it up, bend down and tie the laces. There was only one option.

BUT I CHOSE OPTION 2!

I hailed a cab.

Yes, I actually decided, at that moment, I would rather jump in the back of a cab and turn my $2.50  subway commute into a $24 cab ride than bend over and tie my shoe. Laziness rules the day.

It’s either the saddest moment of my life or the most triumphant.

Sports Illustrated: January 28th, 2013

Jim  Harbaugh, Football, San Francisco 49ers

PREGAME:

I’m glad Stan Musial got a properly constructed and thoroughly written obituary. Richard Hoffer is given the time and the space to really honor one of the great players and great men to ever wear a major league uniform. He probably didn’t have to keep harping on the fact that Musial didn’t play in New York or Boston, though. When Stan Musial played in St Louis, the city was the headquarters to the Sporting News, KMOX was the most powerful radio station in the country and millions of people throughout the midwest and west identified as Cardinals fans.

Also, here’s Bob Costas’s eulogy from Musial’s memorial service on Saturday:

 

THE ARTICLES:

10 Things We Think We Think by SI Staff

This is the perfect way to write about the Superbowl when the game is still more than a week away. Ten little vignettes about the characters who will play big parts in the game. Did I read all 10? No. I got a little bored in the middle and skipped the one about how college fans will recognize some of the 49ers offense (number 6 out of 10.) But, I liked that getting bored didn’t mean I was completely out of the article. I was able to pick back up with number 7, SIBLING RIVALRY!

What Just Happened by S.L. Price

Price writes about Manti Te’o and Lance Armstrong.

I’ve been struggling to put this feeling into words all week. I think I’ve finally figured it out though. What bothers me most about the fact that these two stories are getting lumped together is the fact that the Armstrong story isn’t new in any way. Everyone already knew he cheated. Everyone already knew he’s a terrible guy. He didn’t say anything to Oprah that should have caught anyone by surprise. Meanwhile, Manti Te’o came out of NOWHERE. Everyone’s mind was blown. I think that, by linking it to Lance Armstrong because of coincidental timing, we are somehow minimizing the sheer insanity of the Te’o story. IT’S FUCKING NUTS!

Another thing Lance Armstrong ruined. Thanks, douche.

Aussie Rules Tennis by L. Jon Wertheim

Fun article about the mood at the Australian Open. Was anyone surprised that people in Australia have more fun doing stuff than the rest of us do?

One on One with Dana White by L. Jon Wertheim

Here’s how much I didn’t read this article. I was in the restroom last evening. My stay happened to last a bit longer than I had expected. The only thing I had in there with me was this issue of Sports Illustrated. The only article I had yet to read was this interview. I read the shampoo bottle instead. Three times.

The Art of Aaron Craft by Alexander Wolff

Is that THE Greg Paulus? During this article about Ohio State guard Aaron Craft and his good defense, Wolff quotes Ohio State Video Coordinator Greg Paulus. How many Greg Pauluses can there be? That’s got to be the former Duke point guard turned Syracuse Quarterback. I guess he’s trying to get into coaching now. I don’t know why that caught my attention like it did, but I really wasn’t able to focus on the rest of the article after seeing that. I did notice that another coach said talking to Craft is like having google right there in the room with you. I guess because Craft knows a lot of things. Why doesn’t the coach realize that you always have google right there in the room with you? Its right there, on your phone. No wonder the entire Ohio State basketball program considers Craft a genius because he can solve a Rubik’s cube.

Point After by Steve Rushin

Was the big reveal supposed to be that Rushin was writing about his own brother and father? Because that was obvious from the start.

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