Birthday Boozing, Table Snoozing and Mental Faculties Losing

Justin September 8, 2012 0

When I was 22 years old, I took a trip to Atlanta to visit a friend who went to Georgia Tech.

One night, I got drunk, ran across a highway, got punched in the stomach by a cop, demanded that we go for ice cream, ate the ice cream, decided I wanted to eat eggs, went to the Waffle House, passed out at the table, woke up, yelled incoherently at my friend, then went outside and fell asleep on the ground in the parking lot.

Last night, I celebrated my 34th birthday by getting drunk and, once again, passing out at the table inside a restaurant.

So, how is this a sign that I’m growing more mature as I get older?

Well, this time, it was a much nicer restaurant.

Sports Illustrated: September 110th, 2011

Jim McMahon, Football, Chicago Bears


We’re going to talk about a letter to the editor

The haunting cover shot of Mike Trout conjures up the robust menace of Hack Wilson and the serene intensity of Mel Ott. Trout’s sinewy, gloveless hands are reminiscent of Honus Wagner and his jawline of Ty Cobb. THE SUPERNATURAL? A better billing would have been THE THROWBACK

Jeffrey K. Tesch, Wyoming, Ohio

Who the hell knows what Hack Wilson looked like?


The Epic Red Sox Fail by Tom Verducci

Leave it to Red Sox fans to ruin their team being terrible for me. When I first saw news about the trade with the Dodgers on Twitter, I celebrated because it meant the Red Sox were officially giving up on the season and probably on the next few seasons as well. Then all the Red Sox fans I follow started celebrating too. HOW DARE YOU?? It’s impossible for me to revel in your misery if you are also enjoying it.

No Pressure, Man by Matt Gagne

Gagne writes about Redskins RT Tyler Polumbus and, as an extension, all “overlooked” offensive lineman in the NFL. We get a version of this article every year.

Bigger, Richer, Calmer, Cooler by S.L. Price

You read an article. It’s about the changing face of the US Open, but parts of it are written in the 2nd person. That reminds you of your favorite book, “Bright Lights, Big City.” The fact that the article references the Open’s 1980’s hey day makes you think that this may not be a coincidence. So, on a whim, you email the writer.


Was the written in the 2nd person, “Bright Lights Big City” homage to NYC in the 80’s intentional in your US Open piece this week?  Either way, I really enjoyed it.

Justin Schrager

He responds:

thanks, justin. slightly. i really wanted people to feel it as if they were making the rounds. appreciate you noticing, though. first one, including my editors.

thanks for reading — and writing.


You like that.

The Pain of The Placekicker by Lee Jenkins

Jenkins writes about the fraternity of college place kickers. (Is it place kickers or placekickers? spell check says its two words.) It’s interesting to catch up with guys whose one lasting moment is failure. It’s even more interesting to find out that all of these guys try to look after each other and make sure the problems of previous generations don’t repeat themselves.

The Other Half of The Story by Melissa Segura

Melissa Segura does an excellent job of underwriting this piece about the wives/girlfriends of three former NFL players stricken with early onset dementia. She lets the circumstances tell the story, instead of forcing emotion and sentiment.

Point After by Phil Taylor

This was a great- not good, but GREAT- issue of Sports Illustrated. Taylor’s column is fine, but it doesn’t live up to the rest of the issue.




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