Exposed Skin, Thin Skin and Pig Skin

Justin August 19, 2012 0

I’m just going to come right out and say it.

Ladies, I can see your bra.

Every day, all over the place, women of all ages are exposing their undergarments. It’s becoming an epidemic.

I’m not talking about an errant strap that pops out of a sleeve sometimes. I like that. It’s like a tantalizing glimpse of what’s to come. Its the same when a bit of lace shows out of the front of a low cut shirt. That is a fantastic gift to everyone around you.

What is not good is when the entire back of your ugly, end of the month, laundry day, playtex for extra support, 7 hooks tan bra is visible because you’ve chosen to wear it with an open backed shirt. That’s not tantalizing or attractive. It’s lazy.

Intellectually, I know those garments exist.  But it’s not what I want to think about when I’m objectifying you in my mind. I want to picture you in your third date, something is definitely going to happen tonight so I’m going to go all out underwear, not your 100th date, fine you can do it just hurry up so I can get back to what I was doing underwear. Is that too much to ask?

I suppose there is a male equivalent. If I walked around with my fly down and my underwear peaking out, you would either laugh at me, pull me aside to let me know what was up or call the police. And no matter which one of those you chose, I would learn my lesson and be more cognizant of it going forward.

This is my way of collectively pulling you all aside without any of you accusing me of being a creep.

You’re welcome.

Sports Illustrated: August 20th, 2012

Denard Robinson, College Football, Michigan Wolverines

PREGAME:

Lee Jenkins uses his Scorecard column to discuss Dwight Howard’s trade to the Lakers. Howard was never as famous as LeBron James, so his shitty behavior the past couple of years will never bring the worldwide derision that “The Decision” did. But, I would argue Howard lapped LeBron in terms of selfishness and lack of self awareness. The Lakers will be excellent this year until just around the All Star break, when Mitch Kupchak has to start answering questions about whether or not he’s going to sign Howard long term or trade him. That will get bothersome. And even if Howard fully recovers from his offseason back surgery and spends the rest of his career in Los Angeles, he’ll never be better than the fifth best center in Lakers history. He’ll never top Kareem. He’ll never top Shaq. He’ll never top Wilt. And he’l never top George Mikan.

THE ARTICLES: 

Voices Carry by Alexander Wolff

Wolff writes the final wrap up of the summer games. The first half of the article is good. Londoners are generally quite proud of their Olympics. And they should be. From all accounts, the games were a rousing success. The second half of the article, discussing the impact of twitter, lost me a bit. I’m not exactly sure why. I love Twitter. It’s certainly had a major impact on my life. I wasn’t looking for a cultural trend piece in the middle of my sports article, I guess

This One Time At Training Camp by Peter King

It’s pretty much what we’ve all come to expect from Peter King. There’s a little bit of football sprinkled in to a longer travelogue piece. I enjoyed it enough. The American Pie reference in the title is stupid though. Update your references, Sports Illustrated.

Why Ask Why? by L. Jon Wertheim

This is a great human interest story about a pair of baseball players at the University of Georgia. You should definitely read it.

The Sabanization Of College Football by Andy Staples

Staples writes about Nick Saban’s growing influence in college football. Two years ago, I would have written about how sad it is that a guy like Saban, who values results above everything else and turns his program into a football factory, has become a model for schools all over the country. And two years ago, I would have held Joe Paterno up as the opposite of Saban, as a guy who does things the right way. Obviously, times have changed. So have opinons. I now think Saban has the right idea. There’s no image to uphold. This is what I do. This is why I do it. It works.

Trophy Life by Lee Jenkins

Matt Barkley comes off as an incredibly likable kid. I was especially pleased to read his views on religion. Yes, he’s very religious. No, he does not want to talk about it.  I’m Jewish. It’s getting harder and harder to watch and read about sports without feeling alienated from the players, coaches and everyone else who talk so openly about their beliefs. I’m glad Barkley is aware of that.

Scouting Reports by SI Staff

These are fine I guess. I don’t really know whether they’re accurate or not. There’s a 75% chance I won’t watch a college football game all season.

Point After by Phil Taylor

Taylor seems to be telling us that professional sports in America are not as important as “amateur” sports at the Olympics. If he really believes that, he shouldn’t write columns about professional sports anymore. And he should find a new magazine to write for.

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