My girlfriend is pregnant!!
I’m not the father.
Also, I’ve never actually had a conversation with her.
Let’s start at the beginning. There is a pharmacy around the corner from my apartment. It’s my pharmacy. Behind the counter there are two pictures on the wall. Each shows one of the pharmacists. One is an older woman who’s probably very nice. But the other is a woman who appears to be about my age and is very pretty. While waiting on line at the pharmacy, sometimes I look up at that the pictures and think, “I wonder if pharmacists are cool. She seems like a nice young lady. The picture says she went to University of Connecticut. What kind of school is that? Is she smart? Are pharmacists smart? Do good pharmacists work at chain pharmacies? Or do they go the independent route? Would I have anything to say to a pharmacist? Would I bore her?”
It’s idle daydreaming. Nothing more than that. Completely benign.
Earlier this week, I was walking down the street when I saw her coming towards me. I thought about saying hi. Or at least smiling. Seeing your pharmacist on the street is a lot like seeing your teacher at the mall. They cease being pill dispensers and become actual people. And as we got closer, two things became apparent. 1. She sees a lot of customers on a day to day basis and the fact that we’ve never actually spoken to each other means she does not recognize me. 2. She is very pregnant.
It wouldn’t have worked out anyway.
Now, another sidebar to explain why.
I have been having terrible headaches for the past week or so. I went to the doctor. There was no definitive diagnosis, but one of the possibilities, however slim, was that I might have shingles. To be clear, there was almost no possibility that this was the case. But, just to be sure, the doctor put me on medication that, if I had shingles, would treat the symptoms. That is fine. The office even called the prescription into the pharmacy for me.
So, the next morning I went in to pick up my prescription. And guess who was there to give it to me? Not only had she filled the order, but she handed it over to me.
“Here it is,” she said. “Thanks!,” I responded. We had a conversation!
And then I looked down at the prescription.
Here’s an interesting fact. Did you know that the medication to treat shingles is the same one used to treat a number of other diseases? You’ve probably heard of it. It’s called Valtrex. And the pretty pharmacist had just filled my prescription for it.
Oh, also, it’s not shingles. The next day the doctor told me I don’t need to take the medication.
The opening column and a lot of the “Inside.. ” section of the magazine is dedicated to the Olympics. I do not care about the Olympics. Maybe you noticed there was no SI review last week. Part of that is due to the fact that I was busy last weekend. But, a larger reason is that I didn’t read the magazine. It was an Olympics preview. I just don’t care. I’ll watch the basketball. That is all I will watch.
Is This The End For Penn State by Alexander Wolff
Thank god this article is relatively short. How much more discussion do we need about Penn State? It’s not a football scandal. It’s a horrible, unthinkable crime. Whether or not the Penn State football program survives is immaterial. And every time the conversation veers in that direction, it’s a slap in the face to the victims, who will deal with a life of psychological pain and shouldn’t have to hear about whether or not the Nittany Lions can ever be a legitimate program ever again.
Slips, Yips and Flips by Michael Bamberger
Bamberger writes about golf’s British Open, which happens early in the morning New York time so I never watch.
Return To Sanity by Lee Jenkins and Pablo S. Torre
Why did it take two reporters to pen a three page article about Jeremy Lin? I’m not sure. Here’s how I feel about Lin leaving New York for Houston. As a basketball move, it makes perfectly good sense. I imagine Raymond Felton will put up better numbers than Lin this season. In fact, I made just that bet with SCP reader Craig. But, as a fan, I’m really pretty disappointed. I liked Linsanity. A lot. I liked my team being the most exciting team in the sport. Now, though they might be better on paper, the Knicks are nothing more than a run of the mill above average NBA team. I felt the same way after they made the Carmelo Anthony trade. Yes, Melo is better than Danilo Gallinari and Timofey Mosgov. But, they were young and exciting. Melo seems soulless and corporate. It’s just less fun.
A League At A Crossroads by Peter King
Peter King welcomes the beginning of NFL training camps by rehashing all the bad news that happened this off season. What a fucking bummer.
The Bundy Project by Tom Verducci
Verducci writes about the development of Orioles pitching prospect Dylan Bundy. I think he focused too much on the minutia of preparation and not enough on who this kid is. It was a good article, but it could have been better.
Point After by Roy Blount, Jr.
Blount writes something about the Higgs Boson Particle and how it relates to sports. This makes literally zero sense. Not only can I not follow what he’s saying, I can’t even figure out what point he’s trying to make. SKIP!