Awkward Looks, Children’s Books, and Standout Rooks

Justin April 29, 2012 0

The internet loves to talk about that show “Girls” on HBO.  Well, this website is featured on the internet, so it seems we should get into the act. (And to commenter “Beefcurtains,” who commented on the email to my brother I posted last week with a single word, “gay,” I say thanks for reading.  You are going to HATE what comes next. Go fuck yourself.”)

Here’s a recent email exchange between King Ing, BShrek and myself.

King: have any of you guys watched this show GIRLS?

Justin: It’s a fat girl whining while some dude fucks her in the ass and then cums on her arm. THAT IS A TRUE STATEMENT. Watch Veep instead. It’s great.

BShrek: I actually think Girls is tremendously awkward and hilarious. And Brian Williams’ daughter is super hot.

Justin: Well, that’s because you don’t think of yourself as the fat girl.

Most of the discussion of this show has framed it as Sex and the City for younger women. I don’t think that’s accurate.  I think its actually Curb Your Enthusiasm for ladies.  And that’s another show I can’t sit through.

I don’t deny that Curb is hilarious. Every time I force myself to watch it, I laugh. I just don’t think I watch it like the rest of you. When you watch Larry David interact awkwardly with other people, you’re constantly shocked by the inappropriate things he says and does. I’m never surprised. I have the exact same socially awkward instincts that he does.  I exhaust myself on a daily basis fighting the urge to act like Larry David on Curb Your Enthusiasm.  Why would I watch it at night? Would it be smart for a recovering alcoholic to go home and watch a show about drinking? Should a pack rat watch hoarders?

So take that aversion to awkwardness and add to it discussions of lady parts and abortions. That’s what Girls is. The main character is just Larry David with an active vagina. Does that sound pleasant? Does that sound like something I would enjoy?  Obviously not.

Plus, I read that Brian Williams’ daughter won’t be doing any nude scenes. That’s too bad. She’s hot.

Sports Illustrated: April 30th, 2012

LeBron  James, Basketball, NBA

 

AFTER THE JUMP: JUSTIN IS A BEACHED WHALE!

PREGAME: 

Tom Verducci’s Inside Baseball column on Philip Humber is called Perfect Match. And that’s exactly how I feel about it’s placement in the magazine. The reason I used to love reading the “Inside..” features in SI was that it gave you a quick look at some of the characters making news in their sport each week. In the past couple of years though, the “Inside Baseball” page has been hijacked by Joe Sheehan and his algebra brigade, focusing on statistical analysis instead of people.  But, this week, Verducci discusses the relationship between Humber and White Sox pitching coach Don Cooper. Its much more interesting than discussing his WHIP.

THE ARTICLES: 

Meet The Rejuvenated, Revitalized Lebron by Lee Jenkins

As ubiquitous as Lebron James seems to be, we don’t really hear much about his personality or his thought process. So, this interview is actually pretty revealing. One thing did stand out to me. LeBron isn’t a big reader but he makes a point of highlighting a book he’s recently enjoyed and learned from. It’s called The Ant and the Elephant:

This appears to be a children’s book. Am I wrong? Perhaps LeBron should look into reading Good Night Moon when he gets towards the end of a series. It can teach him how to say goodnight and close things out.

First In War, First In Peace, First In The NL East? by Ben Reiter

Reiter profiles the front office of the first place Washington Nationals. I watched Bryce Harper’s first game Saturday night against the Dodgers. Stephen Strasburg pitched for the Nats. Harper doubled, made a ridiculous throw from the outfield and then drove in a tie breaking run in the top of the ninth. Matt Kemp later won the game with a home run in extra innings. I honestly feel like I watched the entire future of the sport, crystalized in one three and half hour period.

The Face of The Playoffs by Michael Farber

I’m going to ignore Farber’s tortured writing style in this profile of LA Kings captain Dustin Brown. Instead, I’ll focus on the fact that, when he was a King, Sean Avery was such a horrible bully that he affected how well Brown played. And as soon as Avery was traded, Brown improved.  In the past, I’ve lauded Avery for his progressive and correct public support of same sex marriage. It’s a bit difficult to  reconcile in my head that it’s the same guy.

Stroke Of Genius by Kelli Anderson

This is about a female swimmer. When we were young, both Beltway Buddy and I were excellent competitive swimmers. Now, if the two of us jumped in a pool at the same time, all of the water would flood out over the sides. We have let ourselves go.

The Big Blue Blueprint by Peter King

I love the idea of this article, which looks inside the Giants brilliant scouting and player development departments. And I really enjoyed reading it. It would have been interesting, though, if King held back another week and then combined the research done for this piece with a fly on the wall profile of the Giants war room during the draft. That would have been a BRILLIANT read.

Point After by Phil Taylor

Boring. Skip it.

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