E Street Bash, Teammate Clash, and Literary Trash

Justin April 8, 2012 1




What did you do Friday?  I saw Bruce.

Springsteen at the Garden. There is no better way to spend an evening.

And what a show it was. The E Street Band, which now has somewhere between 15 and 35 members, was in top form. The energy never lagged through a show that lasted about 3 hours. The stuff from the new album fit right in with the old classics and they even pulled out some deep cuts for the die hards. (Kitty’s Back! Lion’s Den! ((until right now, I did not realize the cat heavy nature of the setlist))

The show came at the absolute perfect time for me too.  Friday was my first day off after working ten in a row.  So, when Bruce sang about the troubles of the working man, he was talking about me. Well, kind of. His characters tend to be construction workers or border guards. When he sings Promised Land, I’m not sure he’s thinking about a guy who spent two hours on Thursday trying to come up with clever Kanye West/Kim Kardashian puns.  BUT IT’S HARD!!!

If you’ve never seen a Springsteen show, you should go. If you haven’t bought the new album, go buy it. If you don’t think watching a concert for three hours on a Friday night can instantly wash away two weeks of stress, exhaustion and tension, then you’re hopeless.

Sports Illustrated: April 09, 2012

Anthony Davis, College Basketball, Kentucky Wildcats



Sports Illustrated introduces us to the stars of the upcoming Broadway Musical “Magic/Bird,” which is about Magic and Bird. Clever name. The guy who plays Bird seems a lot more likable than the guy who plays Magic.  Who cares? Let’s talk about me.

I have never seen an entire Broadway show. My family went to see Tommy once but my brother threw up and we left in the middle.  This is not something that has ever caused me much pause. I really have very little interest in seeing a show on Broadway. I don’t like the songs and the actors always sound like they’re yelling. But, last week, SCP’s esteemed leader, King Ing, emailed to see if I wanted to see Magic/Bird. “Sure,” I said, “Why not?”  Then he sent me a bunch of dates to choose from. I threw out a couple of days when I was available and left it up to him to pick. And that’s the last I heard about it. Did he go? Did he forget? Has he developed a sudden case of agoraphobia which prevents him from leaving his apartment?   All three are equally possible.


Royal Blue by Kelli Anderson

Anderson wraps up the NCAA tournament with one final profile of the World Champion Kentucky Wildcats. The one thing that happened to me this past college basketball season is that I, all of a sudden, respect John Calipari. He’s a borderline cheater and probably not the sort of person you would want to put much trust in, but he certainly tells it like it is. And he makes great points.

“I want my legacy to be that families’ lives have changed through our relationship,” he says. “[Kentucky] Senator Mitch McConnell said to me, ‘How many guys leave off of this team, do you think?’ I said, seven—five starters and two seniors. If we play well, they’ll all have opportunities. He said, ‘You’re creating more millionaires than a Wall Street firm!’ What if that number is 70 by the time I retire? How would you say I did? Because the cycle on those families, that cycle of poverty or whatever it may be, has just changed.”

You can’t argue with that.

A Spring In His Step by Lars Anderson

Anderson profiles Arkansas running back Knile Davis. Here’s the first sentence:

It’s a midsummer morning in 2006 in Missouri City, Texas, and Knile Davis is 14 years old. He grabs a football inside his family’s modest three-bedroom house and slides into the passenger seat of a 2002 white Mustang convertible, alongside the man he calls Pops.

And right there, you know Pops won’t make it out of this story alive.

While we’re on the topic of Arkansas, Bobby Petrino could be the biggest cunt in college sports, short of Jerry Sandusky. When this site first began, we ran a series of articles called “Who’s the Biggest Douche in Sports?”  Petrino made it to the final 8 before losing to Bill Belichick. Looks like we may have underestimated him. Still not as bad as Curt Schilling, though. He’s the Biggest douche on the planet.

Not Gunning For A Fall by Lee Jenkins

Andre Iguadola is supposed to come out looking like a mature team leader in this profile of the 76ers. I’m not sure he does. Here are a few examples:

“In Philly, it’s not about who you are, it’s about what you do for us,” Iguodala says. “You could be the worst person in the world, but if you score a lot of points or win a championship, you can murder somebody.”

That sounds like he’s taking a shot at his fans, who he doesn’t consider good judges of character.

 “It makes no sense to me why so many good scorers can’t defend,” Iguodala says. “Like Lou Williams. He’s one of the toughest guys to guard in the league, but he can’t guard anybody. I don’t get that.”

And, now, he’s calling out a teammate who is given no chance to respond. Is Iguadola being playful? It doesn’t read that way. Maybe that’s Lee Jenkins’ fault as much as it is Iguadola’s.

During President Obama’s State of the Union address in January, Iguodala tweeted center Spencer Hawes: “dear mr president, I understand the struggles of trying to clean up the leader b4 you.”

In this case, Iguadola is being a dick AND Lee Jenkins did a bad job. This sentence doesn’t make much sense unless you know that Hawes is a crazy Right Wing Birther maniac. So, while politically and emotionally, I side with Iguadola, he still sounds like a no it all jerk who’s starting trouble. And Jenkins should have provided more context.

The Age Of Aquariums by Tom Verducci

I don’t know what this is. I guess its supposed to be a brief essay about the wonders of Opening Day. But SI wrote about the Marlins just a few weeks ago. There’s nothing new here. Their new stadium is different from Fenway Park. OK.  As far as the attached “Oh, The Places You Can Go,” which lists a dozen cool sports locations.. WHAT THE FUCK? Does Sports Illustrated think its readers need to be told that it would be cool to watch a football game at Notre Dame or a Duke-UNC basketball game? This looks like something that was intended to be published in SI for Kids but made it to the big boy magazine through some sort of editing mistake.

Calico Joe by John Grisham

Here’s a book excerpt from John Grisham, who wrote the Firm 25 years ago and has been riding that fame ever since. This time, he’s writing about baseball. Badly, it seems..

The team suddenly needed someone to play first, so it reached down to its Double A club in Midland, Texas, and called up a 21-year-old named Joe Castle. At the time, Castle was hitting .395 with 20 home runs, 50 RBIs, 40 stolen bases and only one error at first base. He was the hottest player in Double A and was creating a buzz.

Why do the numbers have to be so made up? Why couldn’t this phenom be a .320 hitter with great power and speed. Why does it have to be so preposterous? Did you ever see that terrible Albert Brooks movie, “The Scout?”  The main character, Steve Nebraska, pitches a perfect game with 27 strikeouts to win the World Series for the Yankees. And he hits a homerun or a grand slam or some shit while doing it. BUT THE GAME IS AT YANKEE STADIUM. THE PITCHER WOULDN’T BAT, ALBERT BROOKS. Nothing about your movie made sense. I bet it’s John Grisham’s favorite baseball movie.

Point After by Phil Taylor

This seems like a shitty situation. Taylor writes about a kid with Down Syndrome who plays on his high school basketball team. A technicality will prevent him from playing next year. The people who make the rules aren’t budging. They should budge. BE A PERSON!


One Comment »

  1. John April 8, 2012 at 9:55 pm -

    I was a little disappointed that there was no SI Review last week. But if you’re going to take a week off every so often and come back with posts as awesome as this one…I can live with that.

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