Lather, rinse, repeat, scream like a crazy person.
Does my shower routine differ from yours?
I tend to be a pretty chill guy during the day. Things happen, but I usually let them roll off my back. To the untrained eye, it may seem like I’m at peace. Maybe I’ve found my Zen. But you, dear reader, know better. You know I’m a bundle of nerves who’s constantly on the edge of a freakout. So, how do I do it? Easy. I have pre-fights.
As I said earlier, it happens in the morning, usually while I’m showering. I think about the day ahead. What errands do I need to run? What am I going to have for lunch? What about dinner? What’s on the agenda for work? And, most importantly, who will I be interacting with?
I take it on a person by person basis. I know individual A will be involved in activity B. So, I think ahead. What will individual A do or say that makes it harder for me to complete my task. Perhaps they will not understand what I’m talking about when I try to give them directions. Perhaps they will whine about what I ask them to do. Maybe they’ll tell me they don’t agree with what I’m trying to accomplish.
And so, right there in the shower, I yell at them. I have the fight by myself. It starts in my head, but, by the end, I’m usually so angry that I scream out loud. And I say terrible things to them. Horrible, vile invective spews from my freshly washed face. My fists clench, My lip quivers, My face turns red and I yell. Then, I get out of the shower, get dressed and start my day.
Later, people do stupid things. They make asinine statements. They espouse beliefs based on gross misperceptions. They display a horrifying lack of intellectual curiosity. And I let it go. There’s no reason to say anything.
I’ve already had that fight.
AFTER THE JUMP: AN OLD SNL SKIT STARRING DENNIS MILLER AND KEVIN NEALON.
Michael Rosenberg writes this week’s Scorecard column about Kentucky’s ability to attract the nation’s top recruits and maintain it’s dominant program, despite those recruits leaving for the NBA after one year. The knee jerk reaction is to think this is bad for college basketball. But, Rosenberg presents the other side. John Calipari doesn’t sugarcoat his intentions. He knows these kids are coming for a few months. So, he makes sure they maximize their time on campus. It’s actually sort of refreshing to hear a coach speak honestly about his program, instead of babbling on about student athletes and the like.
The Miami Marlins Are All In by Ben Reiter
As the title indicates, Reiter writes about the Marlins. The team enters the season with a new name, new uniforms, a new stadium, a new manager and some new stars. The implication is that this isn’t a one year expenditure. The Marlins are committed to changing their team culture. Well, it better work. Otherwise, they’ll just be another also ran, except they’ll have really ugly uniforms and an asshole for a manager.
Luck, and A Whole Lot More by Peter King
Peter King writes about the large number of quality QB’s that are about to flood the NFL market, between the draft and free agency. He’s right. There are a lot of them. Too bad this article offers no new insight into any of them.
Kyrie Irving’s Burden by Lee Jenkins
Jenkins profiles the Cavs rookie, who is trying to return the team to relevance a year after LeBron skipped town. I like Irving a lot. He’s on my fantasy team. And he seems like a good guy with his head on right. Mainly the fantasy team thing, though.
Found In Translation by Michael Farber
A profile of Penguins forward Evgeni Malkin. Farber opens the article with a Russian proverb. Then he adds a couple more throughout the rest of the article? Why? What can’t this guy just write a straight up article. Its always has to include crappy puns or stupid conceits like Russian Proverbs. Just tell the story. Jeez.
Not The UCLA Way by George Dohrmann
Dohrmann has once again done some excellent journalism in this piece on the problems that have essentially caused the UCLA basketball program to rot from the inside. What strikes me most is that coach Ben Howland is blamed for being a hands off coach who doesn’t connect with his players personally or spend a lot of time worrying about them off the court. Yet, within the past few weeks, SI published a story about the Syracuse basketball program, praising Jim Boeheim for being a hands off coach whose focus is on court more than off court. It seems like that’s only good if you’re winning,
Point After by Phil Taylor
Taylor writes about steroid fatigue. To me, that means the sinking feeling that comes when you hear another story about athletes using PED’s. It’s not that you’re disappointed in the athlete as much as it is that you’re tired of hearing the same story over and over again. He writes something about letting athletes just use steroids with impunity. That sounds dumb. It reminds me of this old SNL skit. I apologize. It’s not a video that you can embed. Screw you, Hulu!