King Ing was recently away from the site for a couple of weeks. He’s obviously a very important part of the team. He posts the vast majority of our content, populating our site with videos of soccer players I’ve never heard of and pictures of the hot women those soccer players date.
He also runs all the behind the scenes stuff. One of those tasks is policing our comments section. He keeps spam messages, strange internet advertisements and weird foreign gibberish off the site. He also has the power to remove comments that are offensive, objectionable or just strange creepy. I’m not talking about comments that insult us, challenge our opinions or question our intelligence. Those are welcome on SCP. Keep the coming. I’m talking about weird shit.
Anyway, while King Ing was away, these comments did not get policed so they ended up lingering on the site. One, in particular, caught my attention. It was posted underneath a photo of the supermodel, Kate Upton. The King is back and the comment is now gone. Luckily, I held on to it.
Bobby
I want to fuck her so hard she can taste my dick in her mouth for the rest of her life
Wow.
First of all, Bobby, thanks for reading.
I hope you understand why we decided to remove your comment from our site. It seems a bit aggressive and, honestly, a little bit creepy.
I will admit that, on occasion, I, too, see a woman and develop amorous feelings towards her. I may even imagine myself spending time with her in a biblical sense. But, one thing I have never done is actually sit down and type out those feelings in order to share them with others.
Your thought process confounds me. Over the course of a few minutes, you internet-surfed your way to SportsCracklePop. Perhaps you read a few postings (I hope I made you laugh AND THINK!) Maybe you watched a wacky video or two. I’m not sure. But I do know you eventually found your way to a photo of Ms. Upton. Upon first glance, you thought to yourself, “Wow, this young woman is quite fetching. Her physical features have stirred my libido up in a very real way.” That is fine. As I said, I’ve felt this way myself in the past. Most people have. But you didn’t let it stop there. You did this:
1. Clicked on “Comments”
2. Wrote a sentence which included the phrase “taste my dick for the rest of her life” (probably with one hand.)
3. Entered YOUR NAME
4. Clicked “Submit Comment”
5. Smiled a self-satisfied smile, happy to know that you had shared this private thought with the world.
That’s five steps. How is it possible that, at no point during those five steps, did your brain not say, “you know what, Bob-o? I don’t think we should post this sentence on the internet. It’s a bit much.”
Also, I’m no doctor, but I don’t think a woman’s birth canal connects directly to her digestive tract. Kate Upton would have to be suffering from some serious ulceration in either her vaginal passage or the lining of her throat in order for her to “taste it” as you so eloquently put it. And if she is in such a precarious medical state, it seems like she may not be up to such a vigorous session of lovemaking in the first place.
Ordinarily, I end these messages by telling the commenter to go fuck them self. In this case, though, it sounds like Bobby’s been doing that a lot lately.
Sports Illustrated: September 11, 2011.
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