I would like to start this week with a quick message to our nation’s homeless population.
Hello, homeless population.
Thank you for stopping by our website while trolling for illicit pornography on the computers at the public library. I would like to make a request. Would it be possible for you to stop displaying the gaping flesh wounds on your legs while sitting or laying on our nation’s sidewalks or in our subway stations and ATM vestibules? It’s a bit over the top. Thanks.
Now, let’s move on to a reader comment.
Justin, Your a moron if you think Kobe raped that girl. Open your mouth wide Vick right down your throat!!!!
Hi, 311Bruiser. Thanks for reading. GO FUCK YOURSELF.
Mr Bruiser’s comment is actually a response to one that I, myself, made to a King Ing post, which showed Kobe Bryant wearing a Michael Vick Eagles jersey. I was surprised that my friend, the King, chose not to highlight either of those facts. Or to put it another way:
Seriously, dude? You have a rapist wearing a dog killer’s jersey and you don’t mention either of them?
So, that’s what prompted 311Bruiser’s rather rude rejoinder.
My first question: What took you so long?
King Ing posted the photo on January 11th. My comment went up a day later. Why are you just reacting to it 8 months later? Do you have a particularly slow dial up connection on your computer?
I also have some questions about your name. Are you a fan of the proto-punk band 311? I liked them when they were famous too. Maybe we can use this similarity to mend the torn fabrics of our tattered relationship. Unless you’re named after New York City’s public information telephone helpline. In which case, that’s just fucking weird, dude.
As far as the opinion that I am a moron for thinking Kobe raped that girl. It seems the vagaries of the legal system will prevent both you and I from ever knowing for sure whether or not Mr. Bryant did, in fact, force himself onto that woman. In fact, the only two people who will ever know the full truth are Mr. Bryant and his accuser. I know it’s frustrating. Inquiring minds want to know. Am I right?
But where you really lose me, Bruiser, is in the second part of your comment, “Open your mouth wide Vick right down your throat!!!!”
I’m not exactly sure what you’re trying to say here. Does my belief that Kobe Bryant may have raped a woman directly lead to the insertion of Michael Vick into my throat? And how much of the Eagles quarterback will be going down my throat. Are you insinuating that Pro Bowl quarterback Michael Vick will orally rape me because I believe future hall of famer Kobe Bryant raped a woman? Because that seems to be perpetuating the cycle of sexual violence, and I think we’d all agree that’s not a direction we need to go in.
Oh, and one last thing before I go..
It’s “you’re,” not “your,” YOU UNEDUCATED FUCKTWAT!
Pablo S Torre’s piece on mental health issues in professional sports is a good one. While I was aware of each of these suicides individually, they had not, in my mind, developed into the disturbing pattern he presents. I’ve also been interested to follow Taylor Buchholz’s battle with depression. Both he and the Mets have been somewhat open about what’s been going on, which, I hope, will help further weaken the stigma.
The Muddy Chicken Hits It Big by Tom Verducci
Let’s be honest. I was going to hate this article, and continue to hate Dustin Pedroia, no matter how this profile painted him. And yet, I somehow came away with an even lower opinion of him. Terry Francona doesn’t do himself any favors either. I suppose you can draw parallels between the relationship between Pedroia and Francona and the one between Joe Torre and Derek Jeter when they were both in Pinstripes. But, it’s opposite sides of the coin. While Jeter called his manager “Mr. Torre”, or sometimes “Mr. T,” Pedrioa calls his manager a motherfucker. He seems like a white trash dirt bag.
I also have some issues with Verducci’s reporting. The tail end of the article discusses Pedroia’s relationship with his father and his family. Except something gets left out. Dustin Pedroia has a brother
According to the Woodland Police Department, Brett Pedroia was taken into custody Jan. 9 on a probable cause warrant for two counts of oral copulation and lewd acts with a child under the age of 14, all felonies.
The alleged victim recently told his parent about the incidents from four years ago, a statement from Woodland police said.
Brett Pedroia, 30, was booked and later released on $50,000 bail. He was working in his family’s tire store Saturday, but he said he had no comment.
Seems like that should have been mentioned.
Oh.. and Cano is better.
Trevor Bauer Will Not Be Babied by Lee Jenkins
I am always a fan of professional athletes who aren’t afraid to embrace their intellect. And I like when young people have the mental toughness to do what they think is right, even if it flies in the face of sports orthodoxy. My only complaint with this piece is that Jenkins says Trevor Bauer was willing to sacrifice draft position to make sure he went to a team that would let him work the way he likes to work. But, he went 3rd overall. So, he didn’t really sacrifice anything, did he?
You’re Wrong About Jay Cutler by Michael Rosenberg.
This was a weird paragraph:
Michael Vick had to kill innocent dogs to get the country to hate him. All Cutler did was stand still.
It makes Rosenberg sound like a hack.
Another False Start by Michael Bamberger
Enough with Tiger, already. I don’t care about him or his caddie until he finishes higher than 37th in a tournament.
Lithuania Calling by Luke Winn
In 1993 or 1994, my father went on a business trip to Portland. He came back with Blazers t-shirts for my brother and me. Pete got a Randolph Childress. I got an Arvydas Sabonis. I loved that shirt, even though it was probably one size to small and was a bit snug for my ever growing mid-section. Last night, Sabonis was inducted into the Hall of Fame. His speech was about two minutes long and he sounded like an extra from Rocky 4, but they showed highlights of his game as a young player in Europe. Man, HE WAS GREAT.
Something Went Very Wrong At Toomer’s Corner by Tommy Tomlinson
Maybe there’s something wrong with me, but I am incapable of getting worked up about someone killing trees. Also animals. I don’t care about them either. But I will agree that anyone who cares enough about college football to commit a crime against a rival school probably needs to come up with a new hobby. Maybe collecting stamps.
Point After by Joe Posnanski
I’ll admit it. I thought Marv Levy was dead. I’m glad to see he’s not. I don’t care that he wrote a novel.