Polos, Ponzis and Pirates

Justin July 30, 2011 0

Has the average male arm somehow gotten shorter in the past few years?

That’s the only possible explanation for why the sleeves on polo shirts have all of a sudden became smaller.

For the first 30 or so years of my life, the sleeve on a polo shirt extended about halfway between your shoulder and your elbow. In that past 3 years, though, clothing companies seem to have decided en masse to cut about 2 inches. And that’s a real problem.

When I wear a t-shirt under my polo, the t-shirt sleeve pokes out from under the polo sleeve. And that makes me feel like a goon. It’s only a couple of steps from t-shirt peeking from below polo to office I-T guy who wears company branded shirts tucked into his dockers with a cell phone clipped to his braided brown belt and a pair of scuffed black shoes.  YOU CAN’T WEAR A BROWN BELT AND BLACK SHOES, YOU NERD!

“Well, Justin, you could avoid this whole thing by not wearing a t-shirt under your polo.” Yes, reader, that is often true. But the only reason I would be wearing a polo shirt is because its warm out. And when it’s warm out, I sweat. Do you want me to walk around with sweat stains on my polo shirt? I don’t think so. THE T-SHIRT SERVES A PURPOSE.

I’m not a thin man. I accept that some shirts won’t fit well. Stores like Banana Republic, J Crew and the Gap sell “slim fit”dress shirts that I know won’t work for me. And that’s fine. But why did they have to fuck with the polos?  Are my arms too fat now too?

It’s hard being me.

Sports Illustrated August 1, 2011

Larry  Fitzgerald, Football, Arizona Cardinals

PREGAME

Jeff Greenfield has had a long and storied career working in and reporting on politics. He had his finger on the pulse of Washington for decades. That’s why it’s so bewildering to read what he’s written in this week’s Sports Illustrated.  The length of baseball games is not really an issue that’s on anyone’s mind these days. Why would the magazine dedicate such prime position to it. Is Jeff Greenfield so well known that he was given carte blanche? He shouldn’t be. Also, his daughter has an affair with CNN legal analyst Jeffrey Toobin and got pregnant and it destroyed her marriage. That’s apropos of nothing, but I figured I would mention it anyway.

THE ARTICLES

Game Time by Peter King, Jim Trotter, Damon Hack et. al

My criticism of Peter King’s list of 50 top free agents and where they’ll sign has nothing to do with whether or not he’s correct (though, so far, he’s been overwhelmingly wrong.) My complaint is with the conceit that it takes to even undertake such a fool’s errand. One player does something unexpected and it throws off the whole list. All of a sudden, you’re left looking like you just threw a bunch of shit against the wall in order to see what sticks.

While on the topic of free agency, I have a couple of questions. First of all, why do the Giants treat every off season like they’re a small market team. They play in the same media market and share a stadium with the Jets. Shouldn’t they have the same amount of money? But, they’re never in the discussion for any of the big name guys on the market. Couldn’t they have used Nnamdi Asomugha?

And speaking of the Jets and Asomugha, what was Rex Ryan thinking? His ace in the whole to recruit the pro-bowler was reportedly a phone call from Adam Sandler. Asomugha was a borderline Rhodes Scholar who does work with the UN every off season. Did Rex really think Sandler would impress him?  And that, once again, raises the larger issue: Do I like Rex Ryan? He’s so genuine and enthusiastic. But he also seems like a big dummy. I have no doubt that, to Rex, Adam Sandler is the height of culture.

Here He Comes by Tom Verducci

Like Rex Ryan, I can’t tell if I like Bryce Howard either. Is he young, immature and misunderstood. Or is he a dick?  Verducci seems to lean towards the former. Maybe he’s both.

The Man With A Scam by Pablo S Torre

This is a very good piece of journalism. It’s not really sportswriting, despite the presence of basketball players and coaches.  The fact that jumped out more than anything to me isn’t even in the body of the story. It’s in the graphic that leads off the article. How did Gonzaga assistant coach Ray Giacoletti have 1.2 million dollars to invest with David Salinas in the first place? Maybe that should be investigated as well.

A Boy and His Bot by Gary Smith

Thank god this kid didn’t die at the end of the article.

Point After by Joe Posnanski

Hasn’t the Pirates season merited a full article at this point? Wouldn’t you have rather read a full Posnanski profile on the Andrew McCutchen, Joel Hanrahan and their teammates than a story about the suicide of a ponzi scheming AAU coach? I know I would have.

 

 

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