Predict My Sht

Justin June 19, 2011 5

As I’ve mentioned in the past, I have some issues when I travel.  Namely, I can’t shit on the road. I’m not talking Maya Rudolph in “Bridesmaids”, literally shitting on a road. I mean I have trouble defecating when not in the comfort of my home or at my office.

As a result, the vast majority of my vacations are punctuated with one horrible episode, when my body just can’t take it anymore and the bowels decide to move RIGHT NOW. This never happens while I’m sitting comfortably at a friend’s house or lying in bed in a hotel. No, it happens at bars. Or museums. Or rest stops. Or random restaurants at the side of the highway.

Let’s have some fun with my misfortune. Tomorrow, I leave for 5 days in Boston. Place your bets.


Here’s a little more information before you put your money down.

I will be staying with Dave in Brighton and his wife. The bathroom in their home is right next to their bedroom. That means I can hear them speaking if I’m in there while they are in their room. HEARING SOMEBODY TALK STOPS ME FROM SHITTING.

SCP commenter Scott Salley (not his real name) is introducing us to his girlfriend for the first time during this trip. MEETING NEW PEOPLE MAKES ME SELF CONSCIOUS AND STOPS ME FROM SHITTING.

John from 200 Miles From The Citi’s wife is poised to give birth at any moment. I CAN PROBABLY SHIT AT A HOSPITAL.

I may be attending a Red Sox game during the visit. Taking a dump at a baseball stadium sounds like the grossest thing in the world. I TEND TO DUMP AT GROSS PLACES.

Last time I was in Boston, the shitting happened on night 4 of a 5 day visit, at a dive bar in Harvard Square, immediately after finishing 2nd in trivia. I plan on playing trivia again during this visit, only I intend on winning this time. GOD PUNISHES ME FOR FEELING JOY BY SHOOTING MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF HUMAN WASTE THROUGH MY ANUS AT THE EXACT MOMENT WHEN THAT JOY IS FELT.

So.. Armed with that information. Take a guess. Whoever comes closest gets to guest author an SCP post on the topic of your choosing. Good luck and God Speed.


  1. Footballtime June 19, 2011 at 9:42 pm -

    Drop a deuce in Pedroia’s mouth if you get the chance.

    Slummy BU bar named the THE KELLS

  2. Beltway Buddy June 20, 2011 at 1:33 am -

    On the train ride home on day 5

  3. John June 20, 2011 at 11:12 am -

    Thursday night, All Asia in Cambridge, at about 10:20pm, right in the middle of my brother’s set. Or at whatever bar we go to afterwards.

  4. Kevin (Scott Salley) June 20, 2011 at 11:15 am -

    Assuming you join us – the sensation will start during the Duck Boat tour of Boston. No place you’d rather be than stuck on a bus-boat combo in the middle of the water. You’ll immediately sprint to the food court of the Prudential Center after the ride – a place you have already….Uh….”experienced”.

  5. bastar27 June 20, 2011 at 3:12 pm -

    In a toilet 6:32pm Thursday

Leave A Response »