Of all the people in the world, I think I’m the one least likely to overuse hyperbole. But this goal by the Maryland Lacrosse team is, in my opinion, the greatest scoring play in the history of sports.

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I get my groceries from Fresh Direct. For the uninitiated, Fresh Direct is a full service online supermarket that delivers.  This is especially important in New York, where car-less apartment dwellers struggle to transport a week’s worth of groceries from the store to the home.  Before Fresh Direct, I had to either make multiple trips to the food store every week or suffer through two days of claw hands as I struggled to carry 20 plastic bags worth of groceries 5 blocks home. Now, my hands are healthy, my cupboards are full and my mind is at ease. Almost.

You know how sometimes you order stuff online but when the delivery comes, an item or two are missing. The exact opposite happens with Fresh Direct. Almost every time I order, something extra shows up in the boxes.  Most of the time, I’m happy to get something extra, whether it be a 5th container of yogurt, when I only ordered 4, or a box of exciting cookies I’ve never tried before.

My most recent order, though, including 2 zucchinis.

Zucchinis are duplicitous jerks.  They look like delicious cucumbers, but are smaller and softer and, instead of adding a pleasant crunch to your salad or sandwich, they add an annoying mush to your meal. Zucchini is the worst vegetable.

What is the best? I’m glad you asked. Here is the top 5.

5. Cucumber: As I stated previously, cucumbers make things snappier. They are perfect in salads and are a nice touch on subway subs or, if you are female or British, make for lovely finger sandwiches.

4. Tomatoes: More specifically, grape tomatoes. No need to slice, chop or julian. Just take a handful out of the carton, wash and eat. Added bonus: No refrigeration necessary!

3. Carrots: Here’s an interesting fact about carrots (one of many, I’m sure.) You know how your mom and doctor and teachers always told you that carrots are good for your eyes? It’s complete bullshit. That was a myth invented by the British in World War II, as a way of covering up the fact that they were using radar. When reporters asked how the British Air Force was so successful at targeting enemy air and sea craft, military leaders told them that the pilots ate carrots in order to strengthen their eyesight.  It has absolutely no basis in fact.

2. Arugula: It’s like lettuce dipped in butter. This leafy guy should be the base ingredient in all salads moving forward. Please take note.

1. Broccoli: Raw, it is crispy and dippable. Cooked, it blends in perfectly with every other food. Covered in cheese whiz, it’s a delicious snack. When mixed with heavy cream and boiled, it is the BEST SOUP EVER. (Ed. note: I do not know if this is actually how you make cream of broccoli soup. Seems right, though.)

Sports Illustrated: May 16th, 2011

(FOR SOME REASON, THE COVER OF THIS WEEK’S ISSUE HAS NOT YET BEEN POSTED ONLINE. AS A RESULT, I WAS FORCED TO TAKE A PICTURE MYSELF)

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My favorite angel Adriana Lima in her new Victoria Secret photoshoot.

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Now that the Celtics are out of the playoffs, I have to support any team playing the Miami Heat. I have all the faith in the world that Derrick Rose and the Bulls can stop the horrible thought of a LeBron championship. But if he can’t, Dirk and the Mavericks will be standing in his way.

And if that does happen, this song by Flula Borg will be blasting 24/7.

(Actually I like Oklahoma City’s chances better)

-H/T BDL

I didn’t know it was possible for the entire team to have an operation on their colon.

Celtic manager Neil Lennon is a man under attack. Over the past couple of weeks he has received numerous death threats, including an actual bullet being sent to the football clubs office.

While all that is scary enough, what happened last night in their game against Hearts might make me question whether I should quit my job or not. A crazed fan rushed Lennon and tried to physically assault him. Lucky enough the man slipped and was pinned to the ground as authorities arrested the bonehead. Unbelievable!

I can be as passionate fan as any, but to actually try to harm someone else’s well being is beyond anything I will ever comprehend.

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Kim Kardashian sponsoring the crap out of Midori and their melon liqueur.

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Just great stuff by Funny or Die. This is actually what I picture Kobe Bryant saying to himself during the press conferences.

Who wants some shots?

The NFL lockout has given many of the players free time to explore other interests. While Tom Zibikowski tries his hand at boxing and Chad Ochocinco chooses to ride a bull; Willis McGahee works on his dance moves in his own “Double Dream Feet” video.

Man does he do a mean Carlton.

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On the ice, everyone can pretty much agree that Sean Avery is a giant pain in the ass. But, away from the rink, he’s consistently proven to be one of the most progressively minded, introspective and well informed athletes in all of professional sports. The latest example is this PSA he filmed in favor of marriage equality

It’s not surprising that he received some blowback to his support of same sex marriage, though it is a bit of shock to see who fired back and how the message was delivered.

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