New Macs, Head Smacks and Comedy Hacks

Justin April 30, 2011 0

I’ve never joined a cult before. The Scientologists tried to get me once, but I didn’t submit.

I think my perfect record might be coming to an end.

A few weeks ago, I bought a new computer. Not just a computer, A Mac. And in less than a month, I have bought into the entire Apple Dogma.

I love how easy my Mac is to use. It turns on immediately. It takes no time to load. It never gives my the “hourglass” or it’s Apple equivalent “the pinwheel.”

I love how great the customer service is. The salesman at the Apple store helped me find exactly what I wanted and even told me I didn’t need to buy the super top of the line computer, because a cheaper one would serve my purposes fine. Last week, I spent an hour on the phone with “Apple Care,” getting a few questions answered. First of all, it was a guy in California named Bert, not a guy at a call center in Asia named “Jim.” Bert didn’t know the answers to all my questions. But, when he was stumped, he put me on hold and asked someone else. Then he came back and talked me through what I was doing. Throughout the entire conversation, he was emailing me articles that he thought might be helpful. Like I said, it was an hour long conversation. But it was an absolute pleasure the entire time.

I love how my computer does things I can’t explain. When I bought my new Macbook Pro, the Apple store did a data transfer from my old PC, but for whatever reason, my entire Itunes library didn’t move to the new computer. Never fear! ITunes has something called homeshare. If both computers are on and using the same network, you can move music back and forth. It even works for songs that I’ve loaded onto one of the computers from a CD. HOW DOES IT WORK? Isn’t that physical data? How does it move through space?

I even love what my Mac looks like. It’s so light and silver and sleek!

You should buy a Mac. Drink the Kool Aid

Sports Illustrated: May 2nd, 2011

Chris Paul, Basketball, New Orleans Hornets

 

THE PREGAME:

My initial inclination was to skip L(ewis) Jon Wertheim’s piece on the family of Yeardley Love. I’m glad I went the other way. His story is emotional without being overwrought and factual without wallowing in the details of either the murder or the legal wrangling that followed.

I’ll let you decide how you feel about a serious and emotional piece about a grieving family sharing a page with a pop culture graphic that features pictures of Khloe Kardashian, The Purdue Mascot and some soccer player’s giant afro.

THE ARTICLES:

Perfect Storm by Lee Jenkins

My criticism has nothing to do with Lee Jenkins’ article. It serves its purpose by presenting a brief overview of the NBA playoffs so far, then giving quick hits on each series. But, it lacks an angle beyond “the playoffs have been good so far.” The NHL playoffs have been good so far too. Why did Sports Illustrated decided to sum up the NHL playoffs in the “Inside The NHL” section but dedicate an article that does the same thing for the NBA?

Oh, The Places They’ll Go by Phil Taylor

Read this article closely.  It focuses on how good the Rockies’ trio of young stars is, yet glosses over the fact that both Ubaldo Jimenez and Carlos Gonzalez are off to pretty bad starts this season, providing both players with convenient excuses. But, neither Jimenez nor Gonzalez have a long track record of success. Isn’t it possible that last year was the aberration? Maybe they’re not that good. I hope that’s not the case. I have both of them on one of my fantasy rosters.

Disgusting, But In A Good Way by Brian Cazeneueve

If your friend told you this joke, you wouldn’t laugh:

He claims to have found a silver lining in the broken hand he suffered in December: “When the cast comes off, I ask my doctor, ‘Have I recovered so I can play the violin?’ The doctor says, ‘But of course you can play the violin.’ I say, ‘Wow, this is great. Before this injury, I could never play violin at all. I must break the other hand so I can play guitar.'”

That gag’s as old as Henny Youngman and it was completely telegraphed. I’m tired of giving professional athletes credit for “being funny” because they try to tell jokes. Telling the joke isn’t enough. It has to actually make you laugh for it to be funny.

Austin Collie Clears His Head by Tim Layden

This is exactly how you tackle a complicated issue while making it palatable for fans.  Austin Collie personalizes the NFL’s concussion crisis. Through him, he see both sides of the argument. To play or not too play is not a black and white issue. Collie lets us in to some of the gray.

An Accidental Hero by John Ed Bradley

I’m not sure if he’s someone I was supposed to know, but I had never heard of Beryl Shipley before reading this article. There’s something endearing about people who break barriers as a matter of course instead of setting out to make history.  I also like John Ed Bradley’s writing style. It’s conversational without getting lazy and informative without being dry.

Point After by Joe Posnanski

Here’s a sign of great writing: When you finish reading it, you think either, “wow, thats exactly what I think, but I’ve never put it into words before,” or “Wow, I never thought of it that way, but that’s exactly right!” Posnanski’s column about Bud Selig does both of those things. Bud seems like a guy named Bud. YES, EXACTLY!

 

 

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