THE YEAR IN JUSTIN

Justin December 28, 2010 0

2010 is almost over. Did you have a nice year? NO ONE CARES IF YOU HAD A NICE YEAR. The only person that matters is me. And, yes, I had a nice year.  Let’s look back at why my year was better than yours.

Maybe you got into a couple of fights this  year. Maybe a member of your family did something shitty or a fat lady stole your cab. I also got into a couple of fights, only mine were with Hollywood Celebrity John Cusack and someone who is either related to or maybe actually is Braves Catcher Brian McCann.

ADVANTAGE: ME

Perhaps you read an interesting book. Maybe you even went to the local bookstore to hear the author of that book do a reading. Well, I read a number of good books and interviewed the authors myself. The best of the  bunch was Michael Weinreb.

ADVANTAGE: ME

Did you watch live  sports on TV? Perhaps you watched interesting shows about sports on TV as well.  Well, not only did I watch live sports and interesting shows about sports, I wrote hilarious recaps of them. HILARIOUS!

ADVANTAGE: ME (it’s not TV, it’s HBO. Hence.. better)

Did you have any gastrointestinal distress during 2010? I did. Quite often, in fact. And I even turned it into a helpful experiment which advanced the fields of both medical and psychological science.

ADVANTAGE: ME

You probably read magazines while experiencing that gastrointestinal distress. I also read magazines, then I JUDGED THEM HARSHLY. I even had a couple of friends join in on the fun.

ADVANTAGE: ME

Speaking of friends, I’m sure you have some. They are probably idiots who are too loud in public. I find most people have that problem.  Your friends may like you, but my friends LOVE me. How else could you explain my being a bridesmaid, which entailed getting raped by a drag queen at a bachelorette party. I was also a best man, even though someone thought I was father of the groom. But, that was an idiot too. He talked too loud in public.

ADVANTAGE: ME

You might have a twitter page. I started one this year. It’s better than yours. It has a great profile picture.

ADVANTAGE: ME

So, there you have it. I was more impressive than you over the past 12 months.  Don’t feel bad. I didn’t do it alone.  King Ing and California Correspondent kept the site going against constant hacker attacks. John from 200 Miles from the Citi helped come up with lots of ideas and filled in when I needed him. Bshrek, Bhersk, Scott Salley and Dave in Brighton were all helpful commenters. And Beltway Buddy not only added some great comments, but he was able to crystalize my entire great year into the amazing picture that you see above.

Also Jesus.

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