Seasons Greetings and Suicide Watches

Justin December 25, 2010 0

Merry Christmas, Dickheads.

Sports Illustrate: December 27th, 2010

Tim Lincecum, Baseball, San Francisco Giants

PREGAME:

Who will be the real victims of an NFL or NBA lockout? According to L. Jon Wertheim, it’s apparently not the stadium vendors, parking attendants or office workers at the team offices. No, the real victims are the bookies, the casinos, the TV execs and the bar owners. DEAR LORD, WHO WILL LOOK OUT FOR THE BOOKIES?

In the “Strange Days, Strange Plays” section of this week’s scorecard we get a hilarious joke about Evander Holyfield assaulting his wife. Ah, domestic abuse, so rife with humorous possibilities..

THE ARTICLES

10 for 10 photographs by Walter Iooss Jr.

I don’t know. These are nice pictures. But I’m more interested in the cover of this week’s issue. How familiar are you all with internet pornography? Quite familiar, I bet. Then you will agree with me when I say that this photograph makes it appear as if Tim Lincecum is on the receiving end of a gentleman’s release.

Catch Me Now by Ben Reiter

This always seems to happen. You read an article in SI about a player and walk away thinking “I guess I like this guy. He seems to have figured it out.” Then you look on the internet and find out that the guy has sparked controversy by making light of Hurricane Katrina on Twitter. It happens every time.

Battle of The Bulge by Lars Anderson

Stop previewing this fucking game already. What else can be possibly learn about these two teams? The only people left to be profiled are the punters. And here’s the scary thing. There’s at least 1 more issue of Sports Illustrated yet to come before this game is played on January 10th.

Also, I would like to make a New Year’s Resolution for the magazine industry. No more centerfolds. You open them once and then the magazine never closes right again. It drives someone with low-grade OCD nuts. So, I didn’t open this centerfold. As a result, I don’t know who Sports Illustrated thinks is going to win.

The Lives They Led by Mark Bechtel

What struck me most while reading through this list of sports obituaries in 2010 is that 7 of the athletes remembered committed suicide. If that’s not a warning to parents about the potential dangers of pressuring your children into highly competitive sports environments, then I don’t know what it.

Also, I recieved this email from John, from 200 Miles From the Citi:

The SI year-end obituaries didn’t include Dave Niehaus, the Seattle Mariners announcer. Here’s what I wrote about him when he died:
*RIP Dave Niehaus.  The MLB Extra Innings package is great for not just allowing me to see games from around the majors, but also hear different broadcasters from around the majors as well. Some are good, some are bad – some stand out more than others.  I’ll never forget the first time I stayed up late for a Mariners game and was rewarded with Niehaus’ gravelly voice. I came back often after that…despite never enjoying the men alongside him.  Baseball has lost too many great voices in recent years (Harry Kalas, Ernie Harwell, now Niehaus).  While I’m happy to have had the chance to hear them all in some fashion over the years, I’m very sorry they’re gone.

I know you’ll right this wrong in some way or at least bring attention to the oversight.
I don’t really care either way about Dave Niehaus. But, John, consider the wrong righted.
Point After by Phil Taylor
This seems like an interesting story. I just wish it hadn’t been written in verse so I could have known for sure.

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