The temperature reached 93 degrees in Midtown Manhattan today. The humidity lingered around 60 percent. Who feels like talking football?
Let’s discuss Week 1 of the new season of greatest idea in television history, HBO’s Hard Knocks featuring the 2o10 New York Jets.
And for no reason at all, let’s see if we can’t use an Elvis Costello song title to headline each week’s recap.Â Stupid idea? Most definitely. Has nothing at all to do with the Jets or football or HBO? All true. But, What the fuck? I’m gonna do it.
-Coming into the show, I thought there was an excellent chance that I would end up hating Rex Ryan. He’s outspoken, honest and refreshing in small doses. But I feared he would become Ozzie Guillen obnoxious with extra exposure. So far, I’m happy to say I like him. Sure, sexy Rexy’s language is a bit saltier than you may expect. But, he seems to be a nice and likable guy with a genuine sense of humor. His comments don’t necessarily seem calculated for maximum attention getting the way Guillen’s are. Extra points for the ridiculous Chuck Taylor superstition and for calling out his college roommate for the tanning spray.
But, man, is he FAT! He looks like he might topple over at any time. I feel terrible for his knees. Here is a list of what he ate during this episode:
1. Pretzel Rods
2. M&M’s (peanut)
3. 14 wheat thin crackers in a dunkin donuts cup
4. 1 Polly-o string cheese
5. Fruit plate
- The first shot from Cortlandt, New York was an officer wrapping police tape near the Jets training facility. Is that an omen of things to come?
- Why does Hard Knocks always focus on Hawaiian rookies? This season went from 2 Hawaiians to 1 very quickly.Â You knew it was coming as soon as Rex said, “76 is awful.” And we said goodbye to that guy.
-How about some good-natured racism? Bart Scott called Mark Sanchez a nacho. Sanchez put that USC education to good use by responding “Nachos aren’t even really a Mexican food.”Â The Sanchize needs extra reps in the comeback drills.
-Brian Schottenheimer made Sanchez write down his goals. I would imagine he also bought him Native American dreamcatcher to hang over his bed.
-Mike Tannenbaum loves backhanded compliments. He described a call with Darrelle Revis’s agent as “the most non-negative conversation” the two sides have had. Later, he called rookie fullback John Conner a “non-terrible” draft pick.
-Now, Let’s discuss Joe Namath.Â How is this the same guy who was once the single coolest person in all of New York City? His ridiculous Brady Bunch pinstriped white shorts were pulled up to his nipples and he had a popped collar on the polo shirt he was wearing UNDER a t-shirt. Then, he unveiled the revelation that players don’t go 100% in practice the way they do in games.Â Thanks, Joe. That was some incisive analysis. I’m sure the coaching staff will use that information to their advantage.
-Finally, we will end each week by hearing from a couple ofÂ actual Jets fans. First, a quick G-Chat message sent by SCP commenter and nephew of a season ticket holder Beltway Buddy in the moments after the episode ended.
I didn’t think I could love Rex anymore than I did or hate Namath and his cursed ass anymore than I did… until I watched this show. I might watch the encore right now.
And now, a link to our friend and sometime contributor John, from 200 Miles From the Citi.