Maybe instead of touring the globe and causing mall riots, this kid should GO TO SCHOOL.

Did you ever see “Lost in Translation?” Terrible fucking movie. I hated it. Also, that Tokyo just looks like a miserable place. Why are the lights always on and why are they so flashy. I would be willing to bet the number of epilepsy cases in Japan is way higher than anyplace else in the world.

So, in that movie, Anna Farris plays an American actress in Japan who’s completely self involved and borderline retarded and doesn’t know how to function properly in polite society.  And that character is rumored to be based on Cameron Diaz. That kind of makes sense, cause you never really get the impression that Cameron Diaz is headed to a Mensa meeting when you see her in interviews.

Anyway, she’s fucking Arod.

Since Justin called me out on my love of shirtless soccer players, I decided to give this one and post a picture of one of his homeland’s greatest exports…Bar Refaeli in her V Magazine shoot.

Thanks to Funny or Die we have (IMO) one of the funniest men in the world Hank Azaria portray great baseball announcer Jim Brockmire. If you care Dan Patrick, Joe Buck, and Rich Eisen are in the video too.

Why they didn’t have Chip Caray in the mix is beyond me.

I was going to hold this for a day or two, but now that King Ing has kicked off the SCP World Cup preview by showing off his love of homoerotic photography, I decided to pull the trigger early.

South Africa 2010 is just about a month away. If you want to watch, but don’t really know what it is your supposed to be looking for, “The Glorious World Cup” might be for you.

It’s authors, Alan Black and David Henry Sterry took a few minutes to answer some questions.

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It looks like Vanity Fair and Annie Leibovitz have gotten World Cup fever in their latest issue which features some of the hottest stars in soccer. Portugal’s Cristiano Ronaldo, Ivory Coast’s Didier Drogba, Cameroon’s Samuel Eto’o, and Brazil’s Kaká among others are featured wearing you guessed it skimpy underwear with their country’s flag.

People know what sells magazines. And what better way than having pictures of shirtless soccer players.

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So after two years of picking loser after loser at the Kentucky Derby I decided to hang up my prognosticating practice on Sports Crackle Pop. And what do you know as this year my magic touch came back as I hit both the exacta and trifecta.

I just wanted to say thank you to Super Saver, Icebox, and Paddy O’Prado. If only Icebox would have taken the outside from the beginning he most likely would have blown by Calvin Borel for the win.

Let’s harken back to the olden days, all the way back to a time when an ice cream sundae represented a fun treat to me, and not, as it does now, a moment of temporary joy followed quickly by searing gastrointestinal pain and bargain with god to make it stop projectile diarrhea. Back in those days, I had a strategy for attacking a sundae. The cherry, obviously, was the best part.  Some people can’t wait and eat in the first bite. I took a different tact. The first thing I did was stir up the ice cream and hot fudge and sprinkles so the cherry was no longer on top. It was buried in the bottom. That way, I knew I had something to look forward too.

That’s how I felt when my issue of Sports Illustrated arrived this week. The cover article is about my four favorite players on my favorite team in my favorite sport.  Do I dive right in and forget my usual SI routine to read the interview? Or do I save it for last?

I chose C. Go eat some ice cream, wait for the tummy to start to rumble, then read the article in the bathroom.

Sports Illustrated May 3, 2010

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