Are you a degenerate gambler feeling the pinch during these troubling economic times? Is money tight just days before the biggest gambling event of the year?Â Fear not, poor souls, SportsCracklePop is here for you.
We’ve come up with a series of bets you can make with your friends this Superbowl Sunday which are guaranteed to cost you nothing.Â Well, nothing but pride.
SCP is proud to present: The Humiliation Wagers.
1. “I’m Gonna Live Forever“
For one week, everytime the loser walks past a building with a large staircase, they MUST climb onto the bottom step then leap off dramatically, like the people in Fame. Then they must sing the theme song loudly and PROUDLY.
2. “Renaissance Fair”
Winner and loser go to a large sports bar-like eating establishment with hot waitresses. They get a table. Waitress comes over. Loser must greet her with “Hello M’lady.”Â From that point on, loser must take on the sole responsibility of communicating with the waitress for the remainder of the evening, and each subsequent communication with her must end with “Thank you, M’lady”
3. “Craig’s Wedding”
Loser wears a kilt to a shopping mall, sans undergarments, then proceeds to shop for pants. That, of course, involves trying on multiple pairs of slacks, trousers and/or dungarees. Winner gets to listen as loser has repeated uncomfortable conversations with clerks at various clothing stores, who are forced to explain why a man in a kilt with no underpants is not permitted to try on various pairs of pants.
4. “I-D Theft”
Loser must legally change his middle name to something of the winner’s choosing.Â There are some rules which must be established in advance of this wager, because of it’s nature as a legally binding contract:
a. Both participants in above wager must enter their choice for the other’s potential middle name change, on a folded piece of paper, by halftime of the Superbowl.
b. Choices may be humorous or embarrassing, but not overly obscene or blasphemous. For instance, if I were to enter into above wager with King Ing, I could not change his name to King “fucknuts” Ing or King “Hitler” Ing, but something like King “Queenie” Ing or King “Bing” Ing. Remember, the goal of above wager is to humiliate the loser, not screw them over the next time they apply for a job or try to get a mortgage.