Dear Braylon Edwards,
Welcome to New York. Now shut up.
You were run out of Cleveland for punching a friend of LeBron James. Here in the Big Apple, we’re hoping Mr. James decides to play for the Knicks next summer. Please do nothing to fuck that up.
By all accounts, you seem to be a well-read, articulate gentleman who took advantage of the fine academic opportunities afforded to you while attending the University of Michigan.Â By all accounts, you also seem to be an attention starved dick whose outsized ego was shaped by one spectacular year, and was in no way curbed by your subsequent failures.Â Are you really angry because you though you should be awarded the same fame and respect as LeBron James? You should probably get over that before coming to New York.Â We have a lot of notable people, like Derek Jeter and Michael J Fox and the Naked Cowboy. They will all be more famous than you.Â Please do not punch them or their friends. Especially, Michael J Fox. He has an illness.
You say you have no “beef” with LeBron James, but you don’t seem to understand the essential nature of this situation. It’s not whether or not YOU have a “beef” with him. YOU are nobody. It doesn’t matter if you have a beef with LeBron James, anymore than it matters if I have a beef with LeBron James or the workers who jackhammer outside my window every morning at 7:30 have a beef with LeBron. (Seriously, cut that shit out, guys.) His opinion matters. Our’s do not.
And don’t screw with Mark Sanchez either. He seems like a nice kid who’s going to be successful in this city. He’s already established a rapport with recievers on the Jets. It may take a while for you to fit into that. Don’t whine about it.