Brought To You By Spongetech; Hard Knocks ’09 Week 2

Justin August 20, 2009 2

Yes, I’m a day late, but let’s wrap up week 2 of the best sports program on TV.

Here are my observations:

-In addition to being a former Heisman winner and an above average (slightly) NFL quarterback, Carson Palmer is also a beverage connoisseur. Who knew? A big tip of the cap to LaMarr, the assistant trainer and expert mixologist who earned an A+ from Carson for his excellent gatorade powder to water ratio.

-I’m still not sure what to think of Tank Johnson. The scene with him building those bunk beds made him seem like the greatest dad ever. Then you remember he once kept a massive arsenal of loaded automatic weapons in a room in his house, just feet from where those same daughters were sleeping. But give him credit for trying to play amateur publicist, asking the team spokesperson if there’s any way to change google, so his long list of legal troubles is not the first thing that pops up when you do a search on his name.

-Add Chace Coffman to the long list of people who got a job from their dad’s friend. This, however, is not like your dickhead cousin who makes a bit too much money working in the garment district, even though he’s barely literate, cause your uncle’s old roommate owns the company.  (I do not have such a cousin. We’re talking about you here.) Tight Ends coach Jonathan Hayes is a former Kansas City Chiefs teammate of Chace Coffman’s father. Which might explain why he told Coffman he was “moving today like old people screw.” Sensually?

-Dhani Jones is still annoying. There is no reason to show him getting acupuncture and having some creepy dude sticking his thumb in his mouth. Also, out of nowhere, Jones said the name of his show on the Travel Channel. Stop self promoting. That’s OchoCinco’s job.

-That scene when Corey Lynch met the family he rescued from the car crash, and the woman realized she would have suffocated if he didn’t pull her out? It made me cry. Don’t judge me. Chile please.

-Another reason this is a crappy franchise: When owner Mike Brown came in to get an update from the coaches, you could clearly see cases of AFC and NFC  media guides behind him.  Media guides from 2007.  They will be shocked when they find out Tiki Barber has retired.

-And, finally, your weekly “Chile’ please, OchoCinco update”:  He eats McDonalds three meals a day, then when he talked about it he said “Supersize me was just a movie, that get’s a chile please.”


  1. roman colon August 21, 2009 at 1:26 am -

    yeah i u do a great job with the site, but its week 2 of hard knocks and u’ve posted more than once so i gotta inform u its not chile plz its child plz

  2. Scott Salley August 21, 2009 at 5:52 pm -

    I don’t understand a word of Roman’s comment. That either makes me old or educated. Or both.

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