The Pats’ New Left Tackle: Senator John Kerry

Justin February 26, 2009 0

NFL Free Agency starts at Midnight. Perhaps Bill Belichick should begin thinking outside the box, and make a run at a lanky veteran out of Boston, via Washington DC.

During an interview with, Massachusetts Senator John Kerry gave this answer:

Q: You’re president of the United States for enough time to make only one executive decision. What is it?
A: Any opposing player who sacks, tackles, touches, breathes on or looks directly at Tom Brady is declared an enemy combatant.

He also said he’d like to play left field for the Red Sox, and made a hilarious masturbation joke. If only Kerry had shown an ounce of this personality during the 2004 election, we could have avoided so much trouble.

Anyway, our loss could be your gain, Belichick.

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