What We Lost in The Fire

Justin January 18, 2009 10

George W Bush leaves the Presidency with a legacy marked by failure.  In his 8 years of power, The President has engaged this nation in 2 wars while scaling back civil rights and decreasing our global reputation. He’s presided over the greatest economic collapse since the Great Depression and stood idly by while a major American city sunk to the bottom of the sea.

But, hey, at least he was good for sports, right? He held those tee ball games on the White House lawn and rode a mountain bike, and even owned the Texas Rangers for awhile. 

Not so fast. The sports world went to shit during his time in office too.

Here is a thorough, though by no means complete, list of things that have gone wrong since January 20th, 2001.

 The Malice at The Palace, Rae Carruth killed his pregnant girlfriend, The Mets kept blowing leads, Dick Schaap died, Tiger Woods hurt his knee, the XFL, Sammy Sosa corked his bat, Ugueth Urbina was arrested for attempted murder, the All Star game ended in a tie in Milwaukee, Dany Heatley was involved in a car crash which killed teammate Dan Snyder, Bill Belichick had an affair with a married lady, Yinka Dare died, Imus said nappy headed hos, Michael Vick ran a dogfighting ring, Kobe Bryant was accused of rape, More people were outraged by Michael Vicks dogfighting ring than were outraged by Kobe Bryant maybe raping someone, Sean Taylor was shot and killed inside his Miami home, Ron Artest released a rap album, Reggie Bush’s family  may have gotten a free house, Balco, Adam Sandler remade The Longest Yard, The Pittsburgh Pirates, Michael Jordan came back, Jaguars lineman Richard Collier was shot and almost killed,  ESPN aired ESPN Hollywood with Mario Lopez, Mark Cuban was indicted, Steve Bartman, Shaquille O’Neal busted into the wrong house while trying to catch an online child predator as a Miami Sherriff’s deputy, The BCS, Indians pitcher Kaz Tadano did gay porn, Bobby Petrino abandoned Louisville for the Falcons and the Falcons for Arkansas, Jay Williams was in a motorcycle crash, The Tuck Rule game, Mariano Rivera gave up a bloop single to Luis Gonzalez, Todd Bertuzzi went after Steve Moore, Barbaro died, Hawks Center Jason Collier died, More people cared about Barbaro dying than they did about Jason Collier dying, The owner of the Padres got divorced and the team was scrapped for parts as a result, PacMan Jones made it rain, Tim Hardaway spouted off homophobic commentary that would have made Jerry Fallwell proud, That thing with the Panthers Cheerleaders in a Jacksonville bathroom, Sean Livingston blew out his knee, Rick Tocchet ran a gambling ring and made Janet Gretzky his biggest customer, The Washington Wizards wore those horrible gold and black uniforms, Plaxico Burress shot himself in the leg, Plaxico Burress wore sweatpants to a nightclub, Dale Earnhardt was killed in a crash at Daytona, The NHL lockout, Marion Jones, The NBA All Star game switched to cable,  Tom Brady got hurt, Bruce Jenner went from Olympic icon to Reality TV sideshow, The coach of the Pakistani Cricket team was murdered, OJ was arrested again, Josh Howard said a ton of dumb shit, Ken Caminiti overdosed and died in a Bronx crackhouse, I kept Boris Diaw in my NBA fantasy keeper league, The Vikings went on a boat cruise, The Pau Gasol trade, Delmon Young threw a bat at an ump, Stephen A Smith yelled on my TV a lot, Barry Bonds, Paul Shirley couldn’t find a permanent job in the NBA, Jose Canseco opened his big mouth, Chris Benoit killed his family and the himself, Brett Favre retired then he didn’t then maybe he did, The Seattle Supersonics were moved to Oklahoma City, That Cuban Tae Kwon Do guy dropkicked the ref during the Olympics, Michael Jordan drafted Kwame Brown then declared pyschological warfare on him, The Congressional steroid hearings, The NFL Network continues to be unavailable to huge swaths of the American public, The NBA on NBC theme song was retired, The Lions went 0-16, Eddy Curry and Antoine Walker got robbed at gunpoint in their Chicago homes, Ray Lewis was involved in a double murder, Isiah Thomas, Nick Saban turned his back on LSU to take over the Dolphins then hightailed it out of town to take over Alabama, Josh Hamilton became a crackhead, Basketball players started leaving the US to play in Europe, Spygate, Tank Johnson was caught with an arsenal in his home while his kids slept in the next room, Roger Clemens, Charles Barkley hung out with Urkel, Sean Avery said sloppy seconds, Janet Jackson showed her boobie during the Superbowl but I missed it because I was in the kitchen, Elijah Dukes committed all kinds of horrible crimes against people, Donovan McNabb freaked out at the end of the Superbowl and forgot how to play, Athletes went on Dancing with the Stars, Donovan McNabb didn’t know about ties, Tim Donaghy, Matt Leinart and Paris Hilton, Emmit Smith spoke on television, Greg Oden hurt his leg and now he seems sad all the time, Terrell Owens existed, The Superdome went from stadium to symbol of all that is wrong with out government, AND the Red Sox won two World Series Titles.


  1. Jon January 19, 2009 at 10:28 am -

    Have you considered making this rhyme a la ‘we didn’t start the fire?’

  2. GA Hill January 19, 2009 at 10:50 am -

    I’m guessing it’s George Bush’s fault for such a lame angle for a blog post, too?

    I love how it’s Bush’s fault that the city of New Orleans and the State of Louisiana’s infastructure and disaster planning was so fundamentally flawed it allowed what happened to happen. And considering federal regulation of business increased more during Bush’s administration than ANY PRESIDENT IN HISTORY, it’s Bush’s fault the economy collapsed (actually, regulation has a ton to do with it, but that’s not the angle you were taking, now was it?), right? And Afghanistan was totally unjustified, of course. I mean, it was George Bush who helped al-Queda orchestrate 9/11–right?

    Bush screwed up a lot of things, no doubt. Iraq was a mistake according to why we went. And you’re right on the civil rights in certain respects. But the blind hatred is just ridiculous.

    What’s going to happen when Obama screws up? Are you going to blame him directly like you do Bush? Or is that going to be blamed (likely correctly so) on events that happened in the past or actions of Congress?

  3. Ryan January 19, 2009 at 11:23 am -

    Bush spent eight years invoking the name of the Prince of Peace while starting a pointless holy war in Iraq — all while giving his corporate buddies no-bid contracts that lined their pockets with our tax dollars. It was a big fat scam, and anyone who ever called him on it was shouted down for the better part of 8 years because of 9/11.

    When Clinton left, we had a surplus. Now we’re trillions in debt, and there’s no way Obama, McCain or anyone else could fix this mess in four years time.

    Oh, and IIRC, it was a GOP Congress that cut the funding to most state infrastructures. Including Louisiana.

    The hate’s a lot less blind than you think, Mr. Hill. But I’m sure this won’t stop you from blaming #44 for everything that goes wrong in the next 100 days or so.

  4. Dave January 19, 2009 at 12:06 pm -

    Um, guys? I’m pretty sure the article is meant to be tongue-in-cheek. I’d relax a little.

  5. One Correction January 19, 2009 at 1:09 pm -

    The Jags Cheerleading thing was in a bar in Tampa at Channelside…not in Jville. Trust me…I think of that everytime I go there or see the jags

  6. Nick January 19, 2009 at 1:11 pm -

    Get a life Jon….stop being a tool

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