In honor of Sean Ellis’ drug bust, Corie Blount getting caught with mad blunts, and the state of Michigan legalizing medical marijuana (now Lions fans can get a prescription for their misery) — we’ve put together a list of the top ten pot-smoking athletes we’d like to roll a j with.
1. Ricky Williams. The chronic chronic smoker, who has left and rejoined the NFL more times than I can count, is a seemingly good guy who just gets screwed over by the NFL’s drug testing policy. Why can’t the NFL’s policy be more like the NBA’s?
Williams is into yoga, holistic meds, and herbal greens. We’d like to meditate with Ricky after a bikram yoga class — and then buy him this Clear Test solution to help him pass his next drug test.
2. Josh Howard. Howard is currently out with a sprained ankle. Coach Carlisle said that there was some slight swelling in the joint overnight. I’m sure there was some swelling in the joint, but I doubt it was very slight for the man who said that the majority of NBA players use marijuana, himself included.
Smoking and playing hoops is a favorite activity for many of my friends, but I usually end up on the sofa, drinking some CLs and watching Old School for the 30th time. We commend Josh for his honest and open approach to the taboo subject of smoking pot amongst NBA stars, especially because Mark Cuban doesn’t like it.
3. Jeff Weaver. A flight attendant claimed in her lawsuit that former Tigers pitcher Jeff Weaver used marijuana in the plane’s restroom and watched hard-core porn on a laptop computer during flights on the team plane.
Porn and pot are like peanut butter and jelly. However, we don’t want to mix the two together (or smoke in an airplane bathroom) with another dude, especially Jeff Weaver.
4. Michael Irvin. The FBI arrived at a Dallas apartment in 2000 and found Irvin, a stripper, and you guessed it — marijuana. “They tore the house up and found I guess what you would call a roach, a half a joint, and that’s why I got arrested,” Irvin told reporters.
We’re always down for a joint and a stripper. But Irvin broke rule #1 of smoking. If the feds bust down the door, you have to play dumb and place all blame on the stripper!
5. Rasheed Wallace and Damon Stoudamire. After a road win over Seattle in 2002, Wallace and Stoudamire were pulled over for speeding on their way back to Portland when the officer smelled marijuana smoke coming from the vehicle.
It would be pretty classic to blaze it in the car with the Blazers co-captains after a road game win. In order to avoid those pesky highway patrol officers, we recommend marijuana-laced baked goods, such as Butter Brothers brownies, because they don’t give off the odor that will get you busted.
6. Bode Miller. The Olympian who has no regrets about his performance in Turin because he “partied at an Olympic level”, loves to drink and smoke the ganja. Let’s face it, he grew up in Vermont where the only thing to do all winter is drink, smoke, and ski.
Skiing and smoking is the perfect combo because what else are you going to do for the 10 minutes you spend on the chair lift? Bode probably smokes really high grade sativas before hitting the slopes, such as Super Silver Haze, Blackjack, or Sour Diesel. These will allow you to get super high, while still being able to focus on the flags and hit all the turns on the way downhill.
7. Bill Walton. Walton, the former NBA and UCLA star center attended more than 650 Grateful Dead concerts — and when he was playing for Portland in 1978 he traveled to Egypt for the Dead’s famous performance at the Pyramids (where he even joined the band on drums).
There is one and only way to listen to the Dead — and if you’ve played on stage live with the Dead, your have to be able to achieve levels of highness that mere mortals such as you and I will never experience. This is why we’d like to roll a j with Bill Walton.
8. Allen Iverson. With a rap sheet longer than this post, Iverson has a history with drugs, guns, and smacking around women. We don’t condone his actions, but it’s possible that Iverson would be better off stoned to mellow him out and keep him from hitting the ladies.
Now that medical marijuana has been legalized in Michigan, we’d like to visit the cannabis club with Allen and ensure that he get’s the treatment he both wants and needs.
9. Orlando Cepeda. The hall of famer from San Francisco has the biggest balls of anyone on this list. He spent 10 months in jail after trying to pick up 160 lbs of weed at a Miami airport in 1975. He later got into the Hall of Fame and returned to community work for the Giants — only to get busted again in 2007, at the age of 69, while driving with weed and a white powder in the car.
Anyone that’s 69 years old and smoking weed with coke in the car is a complete rock star. We aim to surround ourselves with as many rock stars as possible and can only hope that we can be like Orlando Cepeda at 69 years of age.
10. Kareem Abdul Jabbar. While Kareem’s self-medication for his “migraines” has gotten him into trouble with the law, he paved the way for the rest of us by creating the most foolproof excuse to get a medical marijuana card.
If you live in a state that allows medicinal use, follow Kareem’s lead and let your doctor know about your migraines and ask for a prescription!
* Other noteworthy candidates: Robert Parish, Mookie Blaylock, Chris Webber, Todd Marinovich, and Warren Sapp.
Anyone you would add to the list? Post them in the comments below.