Who’s The Biggest Douche in Sports?

Justin August 8, 2008 2

The Douchewheel rolls on.  Review our first 8 candidates. Done? Good. Let’s move on to number 9.

He’s small in stature, but dominant in douchiness.

Candidate number 9: Isiah Thomas

Where do I start? How about the beginning. Rumor has it, Isiah tanked his post-college workouts with the Dallas Mavericks, who had the first pick in the draft. That insured he would go to the Pistons, while his best friend Mark Aguire ended up going number 1 overall, and began his career with a team in its third season of existence. Nice.

Then came his career as head asshole on the dirtiest team to ever play in the NBA.  Did they win? Of course. Where they likable? Not even a little. And of course, there are the stories of Isiah freezing Michael Jordan out during MJ’s first All-Star game. That went well.  Why do you think Scottie Pippen was on the Dream Team instead of Isiah.

Then he retired, and the douchiness rose to a new level. There was the Raptors, where the other owners hated him so much they bought him out. There was the CBA, which Isiah bought, and ran into the ground, destroying a 50 year old league and robbing mom and pop team owners of their life savings. He coached the Pacers. He didn’t do too much damage, though he did take a team that had been in the NBA Finals and turned them into a Eastern Conference also-ran.

Then, the douche-de-resistance, Isiah destroyed the New York Knicks. I will even give him a pass on Stephon Marbury, who could have written an all time great New York story, if not for his batshit craziness. Isiah’s true inner douche truly shined, when he was hiring and firing head coaches.

First, Don Chaney. He is, by all accounts, one of the finest men to ever grace the NBA. Isiah, of course, is the polar opposite. So, he didn’t just fire Chaney. He went on Letterman the night before and made fun of the coach, while hinting that he would be fired. Then he made Chaney come to the Garden and get ready for the next night’s game before he was told his services were no longer needed. That guaranteed Chaney an uncomfortable walk of shame past the assembled media. Next came Lenny Wilkins. He’s a hall of famer and the league’s all time winningest coach. Isiah is a petty little shit. So, Wilkins was questioned and mocked for being old, before being forced out. Herb Williams took over and did a decent job. As a result, he was given no consideration as Isiah launched his next coaching search. It led to Larry Brown. The two deserved each other. And they hated each other. And it ended after one horrible season.

There was only one coach left who would be willing to work for Isiah. And that was Isiah. And he was a terrible asshole of a coach, who couldn’t decide on a rotation. and sabotaged the entire season last year, with his sending Marbury home from Phoenix, then ignoring a team vote and reinstating his point guard one game later.

Also, Anucha Browne Sanders. ‘Nuff said.



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