Yes, I’m At The Draft

Justin June 26, 2008 5

-Section: 201, Row:BB, Seat:10

It’s the NBA Draft live from the Garden. I finagled a Credential. Yes, I am in the vast minority of people here tonight who will be using the word finagle.

So far, I’ve learned that I’m taller than Mark Jackson, Mike Breen, and Jeff Van Gundy. Also, Danillo Galinardi and his family are in a rush. They nearly ran me over coming in. At least I think it was them. It may have just been a tall, rude, European family.

Also fun: Watching fat old sportswriters flirting with the hot NBA communications staff, and thinking they have a chance in hell. The WI-FI sucks. It keeps knocking me off line, and my laptop battery says its about to die. We’ll see what happens.

-Well, that was quick. The battery died. Now, I’m upstairs in the media workroom, otherwise known as the play by play overpriced sports bar and restaurant. Marc Stein is up here, a few seats down. He must have a shitty laptop battery also.

ESPN showed Gallinari on the big screen three times, and all three times the Knicks fans booed lustily. That’s got to make Donnie Walsh happy, if in fact the Italian is his pick.

-And we’re underway. Derrick Rose goes number one. Now the fun starts

-Apparently, Pat Riley has come to his senses, and taken Michael Beasley. I really have no idea why he considered doing anything else. At worst, Beasley will be Derrick Coleman with a better attitude.

-OJ Mayo to the T-wolves. Yes, his family section is loud and large. They have a sign that says “OJ MAYO YOUR FAMILY IS PROUD OF YOU.” That’s sweet. My family rarely holds up inspirational signs for me. Speaking of family, read this. It’s my brother. He’s here, and is wearing a very nice sportcoat. Combined with my snazzy blue tie and grey pants combo, we’re looking good. Certainly better than the Lopez brothers and their idiot hair.

– The NBA staff just handed out some facts about the first few picks. One of them says “Michael Beasley is the highest draft pick out of Kansas State since Mitch Richmond went 5th in 1988.” That makes no sense. If Beasley went 2, he’s the highest pick out of Kansas State since before Richmond. Perhaps I will bring this to someone’s attention.

– First surprise of the night: Russell Westbrook to Seattle. I know it was a suprise because some guy in here yelped like a lady when it was made.

– Memphis is up next. They are widely expected to take Westbrook’s teammate, Kevin Love. If for some reason they don’t, I would like to go on record as saying I want the Knicks to take him. There is already talk that they’re trying to deal David Lee, so why not? If D’antoni wants to run, why not grab the best passing big man since Bill Walton?

– Oh well. Memphis went Love. I’m going to leave my computer alone up here and run down to see the Knicks fans boo the next pick. If I never post again tonight, It means someone up here stole my laptop and its shiity battery. It will serve them right.

– NBA reporters are an honest bunch. Good for them.

– Gallinari was booed lustily. Not only did they boo, hundres of Knick fans walked out. One said, “watching the Knicks draft is like watching the Jets draft” OUCH!

– The Bucks took Joe Alexander. I think he will be a bust. I’m not sure why, but something about him makes me think he’ll be out of the league within five years. Good thing they picked up RIchard Jefferson this afternoon.

– The Nets took one of the Lopezes. I already forgot which one. I guess the franchise couldn’t function without a big slow twin from Stanford. They dealt Jason Collins last season, and now.. Lopez number 1 has entered the fray.

-By the way, I’m not sitting at a table like everyone else. I’m hunched over a chair, using it as a desk. Why? Cause I’m a putz and I didn’t feel like walking around looking for an outlet, so I just sat down where I found one and made due. I am the definition of low-rent. Though I am dressed better than anyone else in the room.

– I was here two years ago. The guy I sat next to that year smelled terrible. He just walked in. Averting my eyes.

– The Kings go local! Jason Thompson from Rider is your first huge surprise of the day. He was expected to be a second rounder, and instead he’s a lottery pick. My mom went to Rider. She must be proud. We also have our first bad joke of the night, courtesy of Stuart Scott. Something about Thompson being a communications major so he’ll anchor the second round of the draft. Not funny. As punishment, they should make him actually give up his seat to Jason Thompson in the second round.

– This is also a big blow to Spencer Hawes, who may or may not have played a lot for the Kings last season. I had the NBA package but they played late and were not an interesting team to watch. Its a victory for Al Gore though. All I know about Hawes is that he doesn’t believe in Global Warming.

– We just got the transcript of Gallinari’s interview with Stephen A. I can excuse the bad syntax, since English isn’t his first language. But is there any excuse for the person transcribing the interview to misspell “here” as “hear”? No. No there is not.

– It’s pick number 14 and we’ve already set the record for most rookies ever taken in one season. Anthony Randolph from LSU goes to the Warriors. He’s 6’10 and only weighs 195 pounds. I could literally eat him if I wanted to. For the record, I do not want to do that.

– I’m pretty sure I hate the second Lopez, Robin. He’s got stupid hair and tries to be funny in all of his interviews. I hope Shaq hazes him and makes him taste his ass. Also, their mom looks like Ms. Dreibelbis. She was a first grade teacher at West Freehold School. Also, she looks like the photographer Annie Leibovitz. Handsome women, all of them.

– Some dude just stole my Stanford twins joke. Screw him.

– For the record, Pete is blowing me out of the water, joke wise. I really have to pick up my game. He had more time to prepare. I just decided to come this morning. Weak excuses? Yes, but they are all I have at the moment.

– Ok. Let’s talk trades for a minute. There have been two big ones so far. Toronto just drafted Roy Hibbert for Indiana, who will join TJ Ford, Rasho Nesterovic and Maceo Baston at Conseco. That’s a lot for the Raptors to give up for Jermaine O’Neal, who may or may not be completely washed up before he turns 30. O’Neal set a record back in ’96, by becoming the first NBA player ever to be younger than me.

As for the Nets trade, I don’t like it. I understand you’re trying to clear space for 2010, when Jay-Z can complete the most blatant tampering case in history by bringing LeBron to Brooklyn, but I think you could have gotten more for him. Yi is a crapshoot. I keep waiting for him to be recalled by the EPA, because of unsafe lead levels.

– Now that the Supreme Court has overturned DC’s ban on handguns, do the Wizards go back to being the Bullets? They just drafted JaVale McGee, whose mom played in the WNBA. That seems strange. Either she was a really old pro basketball player, or a really young mother.

-Dude next to me is having WiFi problems. He is not handling it well. Also, he has huge arms and a scary jailhouse tat. I may scoot over a little bit.

-The Nets are a local team right? They just picked Ryan Anderson from Cal with the 21st pick. The place was silent. Maybe all the Nets fans are pre-emptively exhausted from listening to whichever Lopez they drafted talking constantly for the next 10 seasons.

– I just ate an apple. I skipped cookies and brownies and went healthy. I’m almost 30. I don’t want to break down like Jermaine O’neal. Also, I will stop for pizza on the way home.

-Alexis Ajinca: ” Before the draft I talked to my agent and I said, ‘well, I want to play for Bobcats.” That’s how you know he’s foreign. He’s actually looking forward to being browbeaten by Larry Brown and Michael Jordan.

– The Van Gundys. They look nothing alike. I have never understood that.

– Here’s one of my favorite parts of the draft: When the random foreign draft picks get selected, and then appear out of the crowd to shake Stern’s hand. Remember a few years back when the Knicks drafted Slavko Vranes in the second round, even though he had the Andre the Giant disease and couldn’t stand up straight cause his spine couldn’t support the weight of his giant face? Yeah, that guy. Well, he was 7’45’ and stood up and scared the crap out of David Stern, who probably thought he was going to be kidnapped and taken back up the beanstalk.

-Jay Bilas refuses to admit that he hasn’t heard of these players. He just says “oh, he’s a really good player. I saw him at IUPUI and he was good.” No you didn’t. How could Jay Bilas watch IUPUI games when he spends all his time living under the bleachers at Cameron Indoor?

– I have a friend named Izzy. He is a nightmare in fantasy sports, because every day you get an email offering some ridiculous trade. I bet that’s what its like for NBA GM’s dealing with Kevin Pritchard from Portland. 9 trades over the last three drafts? My God!

-Angry guy next to me left. I now have a seat at an actual table. I’m big time!

-Kevin Pritchard just drafted Darrell Arthur. Pritchard will now trade Arthur’s damaged kidney for two second rounders next year.

-Speaking of Arthur… imagine sitting in Madison Square Garden and having Andy Katz diagnose you with a kidney disorder on a big screen in front of a thousand people. What happened to doctor-patient privilege?

-Step Brothers looks like a funny movie. ESPN just showed a commercial for it. Lopez Brothers looks like an annoying nightmare.

-You may have noticed I haven’t been commenting on the actual picks. Truth is, after the first 12 or 13 guys went, I don’t know who any of these guys are. I spent so much time looking at old drafts, I forgot to check on the prospects for this year. Lesson learned. I’m not alone. No one in here knows who half these guys are.

-ESPN is filibustering the Celtics pick. They don’t want the first round to end for some reason. Boston’s five minutes ran out five minutes ago. What the hell is going on?

– JR Giddens from New Mexico. That’s what I was waiting for?

-Well, that’s the end of the first round, and that’s the end of the liveblog. We’ll wrap up tonight’s events tomorrow, once everyone ends up where they end up. Thanks for reading.


  1. King Ing June 26, 2008 at 7:48 pm -

    Beasley didn’t fake out David Stern with the handshake!

  2. NBA Guru June 26, 2008 at 9:32 pm -

    What is Darrell Arthur thinking right now?

    I love how the Pacers got a very white Josh McRoberts!

  3. bshrek June 27, 2008 at 11:42 am -

    who would have thunk that Ms. Dreibelbis looked like hulk hogan circa 2008, without the bandana!! scary stuff

  4. Jamba June 28, 2008 at 2:03 am -

    Great post. I hate basketball but enjoyed your coverage of the draft.

    Also, I’m wondering how the hell Gallinari is supposed to fit in that jersey. Do they just make them all in XXXL?

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